The Caterpillars Discuss Becoming Butterflies

     (Two caterpillars on a leaf.)

FIG:  It's just that...You know?

GROUND:  I do.

FIG:  You know?

GROUND:  I...do.

FIG:  I like being a caterpillar.

GROUND:  I love it.

FIG:  I really don't mind it.

GROUND:  I really don't.

FIG:  And I don't want to fly.

GROUND:  Do you think I want to fly?

FIG:  Who wants wings?

GROUND:  Two more things to worry about.

FIG:  I have enough to worry about.

GROUND:  I'm a bug.

FIG:  But I'm a bug.

GROUND:  I know.  I'm a bug too.

FIG:  No, but listen to me--I'M A BUG.

GROUND:  I am also--a bug.

FIG:  I mean, don't get me wrong--

GROUND:  I know.

FIG:  They're beautiful.

GROUND:  They're gorgeous.

FIG:  Nobody's saying they're not beautiful.

GROUND:  Who's saying that?

FIG:  I'm not saying that.

GROUND:  Who's saying it?

FIG:  Somebody might be saying it--

GROUND:  Right.

FIG:  But I'm not.

GROUND:  Right.

FIG:  I just don't want to be one.

GROUND:  Me neither.

FIG:  I'm good.

GROUND:  I'm good too.

FIG:  You want me to crawl into a cocoon?

GROUND:  I know.

FIG:  A COCOON?

GROUND:  I know.

FIG:  WITH MY BACK?

GROUND:  And you're in there for awhile.  It's not like you go in, an hour goes by, boom, you pop out.

FIG:  Oh no.

GROUND:  You're in there for awhile.

FIG:  I know.

GROUND:  A long time.

FIG:  Then you come out and you have these two big wings and you're flying around and people are pinning you to cork-board.  No thanks.

GROUND:  No, thank you.

FIG:  No thanks.

GROUND:  And what's a pupae?

FIG:  You think I know what a pupae is?

GROUND:  I keep hearing pupae.

FIG:  I stop listening.

GROUND:  Pupae this, pupae that.

FIG:  I can't be bothered.

GROUND:  Why can't I just stay this way?

FIG:  You know who never has to turn into butterflies?  Ants.

GROUND:  Don't even talk to me about ants.

FIG:  If you're an ant, you're going to be an ant forever.

GROUND:  Nobody says anything to you about growing wings when you're an ant.

FIG:  You can be an ant as long as you want.

GROUND:  When you're a caterpillar, the first thing they ask you is--

FIG and GROUND:  When are you becoming a butterfly?

FIG:  Hey, how about this?  How about you mind your business?

GROUND:  How about you worry about yourself?

FIG:  That's what I'd like to say.

GROUND:  How about YOU become a butterfly?

FIG:  I'd like to see them try it.

GROUND:  They could never.

FIG:  The next time a mosquito asks me when I'm going to become a butterfly, I'm gonna say--

GROUND:  How about YOU become a butterfly?

FIG:  That's what I'm gonna say.

GROUND:  How about...YOU...become a butterfly?

FIG:  They could never.

GROUND:  Imagine a mosquito with wings.

FIG:  Well...they have wings.

GROUND:  But I mean butterfly wings.

FIG:  Oh no, they could never.

GROUND:  Those big wings on those little bloodsuckers.

FIG:  They could NEVER.

GROUND:  Everybody would see them coming.

FIG:  Let them get in the cocoon.  See how they like it.

GROUND:  I give 'em five minutes.

FIG:  Five minutes and they'll be out biting every arm they can find.

GROUND:  Little bastards.

FIG:  I can't stand mosquitoes.

GROUND:  Give them a pupae.

FIG:  Give 'em two.

GROUND:  That's how I feel about it.

FIG:  You know what?  That's how I feel.

GROUND:  I'm fine just how I am.

FIG:  I'm great.

GROUND:  I like it.

FIG:  I love it.

GROUND:  I'm staying right here.

     (A beat.)

FIG:  They are pretty though.

GROUND:  Very pretty.

FIG:  But pretty isn't everything.

GROUND:  No.

FIG:  There's a lot of other things you can be.

GROUND:  That's exactly right.

FIG:  Lots of things to be in this world.  Pretty's just one of them.

GROUND:  You're absolutely right.

     End of Play