Funny Ha Ha

     (ZEE is on the phone.)

ZEE:  Oh no, she'll love this.  Nat and I play pranks on each other all the time.  She's always--no, she's always game for it.  Trust me.  She's going to--I should film this actually, because she's--Oh, we're great friends.  We have one of those friendly boss/employee--Wait, I see her.  I gotta go.

     (NAT enters.)

NAT:  Hey Zee.  You wanted to see me?

ZEE:  I do.  Please have a seat, Nat.

NAT:  Sure.

     (NAT sits.)

ZEE:  Nat, I'm sorry to tell you this, but I think I have to let you go.

NAT:  Oh.

ZEE:  It's just a, uh--

NAT:  Is it because of me and your mother?

ZEE:  What?

NAT:  Is it because I'm dating your mother?

ZEE:  You're dating my mother?

NAT:  Oh.  I thought you knew?  That's not why you're--

ZEE:  No, I'm not even really--

NAT:  Wow, this is embarrassing.  Although I guess it doesn't matter since we won't be working together anymore.

ZEE:  Well, I--

NAT:  She's such a wonderful woman.  She's really turned my life around, Zee.

ZEE:  But she's--Nat, you're a lot younger than I am.

NAT:  I know.  That's why it's going to be so weird to be your stepmother.

ZEE:  You're getting married?

NAT:  Next Monday.

ZEE:  Next Monday?

NAT:  Yeah, I was going to ask for that day off, but now I guess--

ZEE:  When were you going to tell me?

NAT:  Zee, you don't tell people when you elope.

ZEE:  Elope?

NAT:  Your mother is so spontaneous.

ZEE:  What about my father?

NAT:  What about him?

ZEE:  They're married!

NAT:  You think she's going to stay married to him after he goes to prison?

ZEE:  He's going to prison?

NAT:  Your mother's not the type to wait around, Zee.  She's a woman with needs.  So many needs.

ZEE:  Please don't talk about what my mother needs.

NAT:  I'm sure the divorce will go through before the wedding on Monday.

ZEE:  When did they decide to get a divorce?

NAT:  I think it was after your nephew was born.

ZEE:  I have a nephew?

NAT:  You're not very close to your family, are you, Zee?

ZEE:  How did you meet my mother?

NAT:  She called here looking for you one day, and we got to talking about her gambling addiction--

ZEE:  Her what?

NAT:  --and the next thing you know, we're having drinks at the beach house.

ZEE:  There's a beach house?

NAT:  Not the one she takes your father to.  The other one.

ZEE:  There are TWO beach houses?

NAT:  I think she's embezzling, but you know me, Zee.  I love a rebel.

ZEE:  I did know that, yes.  I just didn't think you meant...my mother.

NAT:  She's the one.  I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with--But I am sorry to have to leave this job.  It's been so fun working with you.  You're a real sweetheart, Zee.  I don't care what your sister-in-law says about you.

ZEE:  Marie doesn't like me?

NAT:  No, not Marie--Tonia.

ZEE:  What happened to Marie?

NAT:  God, what didn't happen to Marie?  She's been such a mess since the go-kart accident.

ZEE:  I--

NAT:  We can talk all about it at your brother's Fourth of--I mean...we can talk about it eventually.  Sometime.  After the wedding, probably.  I'm going to be very busy until then, as you can imagine.

ZEE:  Right.

NAT:  What a relief it is to tell you all that.  It's really been bugging me.  I should go clear out my desk.  Can you call security and have them escort me out?

ZEE:  Well--

NAT:  It's been a pleasure, Zee.

     (She shakes ZEE's hand.)

ZEE:  You...too?

NAT:  I'll tell you mom you said 'Hello.'

     (NAT exits.  ZEE sits for a moment.  She picks up the phone, dials, and then--)

ZEE:  Hey, uh--yeah, it went--Well.  I wouldn't say funny ha ha...

     (End of Play)