When You Feel Lucky

When you feel lucky

You make sure the bedroom door’s closed

So your husband doesn’t hear you sneak out

If he asked

You’d tell him the truth

You were bored

You couldn’t sleep

The casino’s only

Twenty minutes

From the house

All true

And all a lie

But what does Nick care for?

He got his dinner

The dishes are done

You even took out the trash for him

But as soon as you hear snoring

Coming from the bedroom

You close the door

And it’s almost like

You can taste the metal

From the car keys

You’ve got gripped in your hand

You love where they put casinos

Always in the middle of nowhere

Over a hill

So that they come into view

Just when you think you’re lost

You have no idea

How lost you are

You love how no matter

What kind of schmuck you are

You pull up in your car

And the valet treats you

Like you’re a VIP

You love the smell of smoke

When you walk inside

Shame you can’t smoke

Indoors anymore

Indoor cigarette smoke

Is like no other

You quit forty years ago

When you got pregnant

With Michelle

But in the casino

You remember

How much you miss it

You have a system

When you get in there

There’s a machine

On the second floor

You like to start out with

And when the girl comes around

To take your order

You get a Pepsi

And usually if it’s Vanessa working

She’ll even bring you over

Something to snack on

Sometimes it’s stale popcorn

And sometimes it’s a sandwich

From the Subway

On the first floor

You like Vanessa

She’s got two kids

And a cough

You don’t like the sound of

But you don’t offer your opinion

Because she’s somebody else’s daughter

And you have your system

To worry about

The machine you use

Isn’t taken

But the guy using the one next to it

Has his coat on the seat

And you know he’s going to be pissed

When you ask him to move it

So you can sit down

But, he surprises you

Only a grunt

No mumbling

And he takes the coat away

When you’re feeling lucky

You usually hit

Within the first twenty minutes

Of playing

And then it’s deciding

How long you want to stay

At that machine

Too short and you’ll be looking back

All night

Too long and you’ll throw off your energy

Then you might as well

Go home

If you do that

It won’t matter

If you won or lost

Winning and losing doesn’t matter

You never bring in

More than you can afford to lose

So even if you bottom out

The financial stakes are low

Nick did well in the 90’s

And even better

Before he got out in 2007

There are accounts

You’ve never even seen

But when you tell Nick

You need a little extra

He always gives it

And doesn’t even flinch

Back a few years ago

When your late night trips

Were starting to become a problem

Before you gave yourself

Some ground rules

You were going to him every other day

Asking for a grand, sometimes two

And he never flinched then either

That’s how you knew

Your husband was holding out on you

So what different is two hundred

Every few weeks

If it makes you happy?

You get to an age

Where all the things

That could become an addiction can’t

Because you’re not going to live long enough

For them to develop that far

Playing slots was what your mother liked doing too

But it made her as mean as any drunk

When she lost

When she was feeling lucky

She had her machine

And she gave it

All she had

Way more than she ever

Gave you

Or your two sisters

She’d come home

Well past midnight

Wouldn’t ask if homework was done

Wouldn’t ask if anybody ate dinner

Would go to her room

And if she had a bad night

She’d stay there and forget

To help them all get ready

For school the next day

If they even went

To school

If she had a good night

If she actually was lucky

Instead of just feeling it

She’d come in

And wake them all up

And load them into the car

So they could go to the all-night diner

In the next town over

And tell them they could order

Whatever they wanted

She was a different person

When she was lucky

When you’re lucky

You just go home

And pour yourself a scotch

Put a few bills

In the cookie jar

After you leave what you borrowed

On the counter

For Nick

He wouldn’t care

If you didn’t

But you feel better

Doing it this way

On the nights

When you can’t pay him back

You pour an even bigger scotch

And you make yourself

A bed on the couch

So you can fall asleep

To something on the tv

That won’t disturb your dreams

In your dreams

You’re back in the casino

And all the machines

Are that first machine

You don’t have to worry

About a system

That has you going

To three different machines

On the second floor

Then one on the first

And one more on the second

Before you grab a Twix

And a bottled water

And head home

When your dreams

Are lucky

You can sit

Right at that first machine

And listen

As the bell goes off

And never stops

But no money comes out

Not one nickel

And it doesn’t make you feel

One way or another

Even in this dream

Your best dream

As people gather round you

And watch

As the machine

Gets hotter

And hotter

There’s no reason

To feel

A thing