Emma in Las Vegas

We had the same professor of writing
And he knew we were soul mates
Before we did

He read my writing
And told me to find her

He told me to find Jenna

But Jenna is not easy to find

I am from Poland
She is from Everywhere

I couldn't find her on a map

But my professor found her
And we spoke on the phone

She had a voice like sugar on baked bread

You taste her and you sense
So much more

I was Anna from Poland
When I spoke to her

Now I am Emma in Las Vegas

I traded identities with a girl from my class
Who needed to disappear

I needed to disappear also

I needed to come to Las Vegas
To see Jenna
To be with her

She was ready for me

And when I arrived here
I found her outside a casino
Smoking and talking to a man
About taking him back to her room

This was not what I was promised

I slapped her across the face
And started to walk
Away from the lights

But the lights follow you everywhere
And so does Jenna

She met me at a bar
Where I was hired to be a waitress

She ordered a drink
Then another drink
Then she took me to her apartment
Outside the city

We made love while the light that was the city
Crawled into the bedroom
And crawled into us

I fell in love with her
I fell in love with Las Vegas
With its neverending light

Where I come from
Light is temporary
Always temporary

Before I left home
My father said to me

'Remember who you are every time you start to impress yourself'

In my house
You had to steal happiness from others
And then you were looked at
As a thief

Jenna steals too
But I have enough of what she steals
So I let her
And I still feel happy

She gives me pills to take
And things to drink
And has men come over
And dance with us
While we kiss and make love

She is moving
She is always moving

The man she loved, Robert
He left her at an airport
And now she's afraid of planes

She sees one in the sky
And she buries her eyes against my cheek
Waiting until the plane goes by

Sometimes we spend all day
Wearing nothing but the sheet
That covers our bed

Sometimes we make dinner
Like we are adults
With jobs and success

Sometimes the men come back late at night
And pound on the front door
When they realize money was taken out of their wallets
More money than they agreed to pay

Jenna goes into the city
But I stay here
And watch coin jars
We keep in the closet

I watch to make sure
They don't escape
That nobody comes and takes them

I like the way the carpet feels
On my back

I start to feel good
And then my father's voice rings out
From the coins in the jars

He reminds me that I'm a book
That nobody ever finishes

They get bored and shove me away on a shelf
Forgetting I'm even there

Jenna doesn't come home

I know she's gone
But I still have to look for her

But I don't know how to put on my own clothes now

Jenna used to dress me
In her t-shirts and her dresses

She threw out everything that was mine
And I became her and hers
And now I'm naked
And none of her clothes
Seem to fit me

I go out into the street
Wearing a bathing suit top
And black dress pants
Sandals, not shoes

I do put on her sunglasses
To keep out the light

Because I know that's where she is
I know she's in the light

I take a taxi and pay in coins
I hope she's not mad

I go to the bars
I go to the clubs
I go to the spot
Where I slapped her
And I cry because I want to see her

I want to see her there
Even if she's with a man

Even if she's with a thousand men

I have to see her

I go to the airport
And try to buy a ticket
To her

I say 'Jenna, Jenna, Jenna'
And the woman at the airport
Calls security

They pull at me
And push me towards a room
Where they will ask me questions

I've been in those rooms before
And I don't want to go back inside them

The light there is harsh
It's too much
I can't find her sunglasses
Wasn't I wearing them?

I point to the planes outside
And I scream--

'She's afraid of planes! How can she move so fast when she's afraid of planes?'

I wake up in a bed
Next to a desk
Where a nurse sits looking at me
Like in school

I am calm
I feel calm
My stomach hurts
I throw up

The nurse brings more nurses
A doctor
I see a policeman

Where's Jenna?

Did they find Jenna?

Where is she?

They find the number to my writing professor
Because I've written his name on my stomach

They call him
And he calls my father
And my father says he will not come here
That I can take care of myself
And my own disgrace

And so my professor flies to Las Vegas
And takes me back to Providence himself

I'm on the plane looking out the window
At the light
At all the light

And I could see Jenna moving around in the light

Dancing with men in the light
Dancing by herself in the light
Looking around for me

Wondering why I left

Wondering and dancing

And slowly going out