Spencer and the Fishnets

Spencer wears the fishnets
For Mara

Only for Mara

Because Mara likes guys
That don't care

That's what she says

'I like guys, who, you know, don't care'

And Spencer doesn't know
How to interpret that

So instead he stays quiet
And listens
And watches
Everyone Mara listens to and looks at

And one day they're at a club in Diceto
Next to, like, a Taco Hut
And Mara sees a guy walk by
With lip gloss and fishnets
And she goes--

'Fuck me, he's hot'

And Spencer dies
Because Spencer is a shirt and tie guy
Who goes to jeans and t-shirt for Mara
When they go out

And when he hears that
After he dies
He realizes what he has to do

So he buys the fishnets

And the guy at the Chop Shop store
Down on Tallusa
Laughs at him as he's leaving the store
Because the absurdity of it
Of Spencer buying fishnets
Is so palpable
It can be felt in the air
Like a sour odor

Spencer goes home
And puts on the fishnets

He even takes a photo of himself
So he can see how bad it is

And it's bad
It's really bad

It's not hot, not to Spencer
But maybe not to Mara
But how would he know?

How could he know?

Only one way to find out

He texts her and tells her to meet him at the club in Diceto
The scene of the crime
And she texts back 'YESSSSSS!!!'
Which is good
He wants her enthusiastic
Open to the possibility
Of Spencer being a fishnets kinda guy

But clearly that's not enough

So he puts on his sisters heels
Blush, eye-liner, a pink headband
A t-shirt he got at a D.T. Jones concert
And a tie, in order to keep some shred of identity
Before drowning in his new 'I don't care' attitude

When he showed up at the club
Mara wasn't there
So he sat in his car
And tried not to look down at his lap
Where the fishnets were exposing
A vast amount of leg hair
That probably should have been shaved off
If he was going to wear fishnets

But hey, 'I don't care' right?

That was when he got the text--

'Not coming. Sorry. Met a guy this afternoon at Cafe Caffeine. <3 you'

He felt like a empty yogurt carton

Ravaged and light
With little pieces of himself
Still sticking to the sides

Not enough to eat
But enough to see what was there

He sat in his car and imagined rain
He imagined what should be there
If his life were cinematic
Instead of just sad

Then he thought 'I don't care'

And he found that he didn't
He really didn't

He got out of the car
Walked up to the door of the club
And put both his hands on it
As if he were trying to sense a fire inside

Then he put his hands on himself

On his chest
On his stomach
On his legs

And he walks into the club

Feeling like a fish
Walking right out of the pond