Oliver's Offended

...So then he brought up India

Like how the book
Took place in India

And you know, I was just offended
Because, I couldn't really figure out
Why he felt it was necessary
To bring up
That the book took place in India

So I said to him--'Do you hate Indians?'

And he said, 'No, of course not!'

And you know, I just felt that his response
Was rather abrupt
You know, borderline violent
And I really felt upset and intruded upon by him

And so I told him so--

I said--'I feel like you've intruded upon me.'

And he looked down at me
And I said--'What are you doing?'
Because I was worried that he was looking at my crotch
And objectifying me sexually

And he said--'I'm looking for footprints'

And I said--'Emotionally!  You're intruding upon me emotionally!'

And by that point, I was feeling mocked
And just completely misunderstood
And so I started to walk away
But then I thought--

You know what?  No.

No.

People need to stand up for themselves

So I turned around
Or, metaphorically speaking
I turned around
Because I hadn't actually started walking away yet
I just imagined myself walking away
While a choir of African orphans
Sang to me on my journey past oppression

I said to this guy
This oppressor--

'You may be judging me because I'm a non-believing Caucasian bisexual who identifies with the non-mainstream Inuit culture, listens to dissonant polka music, and occasionally makes out with poor pagan lesbian Libertarians, but just know that ultimately the only judge, as Nelson Mandela once said, is time.'

There was a pause
And then he said--

'I don't think Nelson Mandela ever said that.'

And I thought about it
And, in some way

I mean, in some petty, minor way
He was right
So I said--

'Well, he would have said it if he were here.'

And at that point
I was so offended
I actually did walk away

Or at least, I walked away
After he walked away

He walked away from me!

Can you believe that?

To plunge the emotional knife in that deep
And then just walk away?

Do you know how sharp an emotional knife is?

People are so harsh

Sometimes I wonder
Why I even talk to anybody