I Can Only Give You Ice Cream

Honey, I know you're heartbroken over this

Of all the things I thought Sal would do
Joining the priesthood was not one of them

Oh sure, I thought he'd cheat
Or do drugs
Or turn out to be one of those guys
Who goes swimming in dumpsters
Looking for antique clocks

But I never thought he'd leave you for God

And God took him!

I'll admit, I expected God
To have higher standards
Than that

Mysterious ways, honey, mysterious ways

Now look, I'm sure a lot of mothers
Could figure out some wonderful ways
Of making you feel better
About all this

But I'm not one of those mothers

I was prepared for Sal turning into a jerk
But him turning into a priest
Is just something
I was not anticipating

So really, I can only give you ice cream

Sometimes life gives you a really math problem
And all you can do is look at it
And say--

'Shit, I need some vanilla fudge'

And wouldn't you know
That vanilla fudge
Can usually do the trick?

Something about the way the particles are put together in ice cream
Makes them perfect
For problem solving

I read something about it
In Daily Christian

Although they said eat in moderation
Because otherwise you risk becoming a glutton

But they also said I should keep bearing children
Even after your brother Scooter
Was born weighing fourteen pounds

So now I take what Daily Christian says
With a grain of salt
And a shot of something
Stronger than salt

And ice cream

Honey, one day
Long after I'm gone
You're going to look back on this
And you're not going to remember
Your broken heart
Or Sal
Or why you even liked him in the first place

You're just gonna remember
Sitting in your Momma's kitchen
Crying and laughing
And telling stories

And ice cream

Take my word for it
That's the good stuff

That's the stuff that doesn't melt