A Flight Delayed

            (An airport.  Two women, NICKI and REVA, sit waiting to board a flight.)

NICKI:  What are we going to tell him when we get there?

REVA:  We’re not going to tell him anything.  We’re just going to go there and let him decide.

NICKI:  Between the two of us?

REVA:  Right.

NICKI:  Imagine if he chooses you.

REVA:  Well, that’s what I’m hoping for, Nicki.  I’m hoping that he chooses me.

NICKI:  Well, of course.  Of course, you are.

REVA:  I mean, I’m going out there with you because we’re both in the same chapter together, but my ultimate goal is to have him choose me.

NICKI:  Right.

REVA:  But I wish you luck.

NICKI:  Yeah, of course.

REVA:  All the luck in the world.

NICKI:  Right.

REVA:  The world’s ending.  Everybody should get whatever it is that’s going to make them happy before they die.  It just so happens, for us, that happens to be the same thing.

NICKI:  Right.

            (A beat.)

Are we sure he’s not married?

REVA:  He’s definitely not married.  (Slight pause.)  And even if he is, it doesn’t matter.  He’s never met us.  He can’t make an informed decision about being married if he’s never met us.

NICKI:  That’s true.  (Slight pause.)  You know, they’re rioting in L.A.

REVA:  He doesn’t live in L.A.  He lives in Malibu.  They’re not rioting in Malibu.

NICKI:  How do you know that?

REVA:  Because riots don’t happen in Malibu.  Malibu is a civilized place.

NICKI:  And he definitely doesn’t live in Australia?

REVA:  Nicki, we’ve been over this.  He’s from Australia.  He doesn’t live in Australia.

NICKI:  But how do we know he didn’t take a plane there?

REVA:  There aren’t any planes leaving right now.  Why do you think we’ve been sitting here for eight hours?

NICKI:  But once they let the planes leave again, won’t he get on a plane to Australia?

REVA:  If they let the planes leave, that means everything is all right.  If everything is all right, then there’s no reason for him to go back to Australia.  He can stay right where he is.

NICKI:  Then shouldn’t we stay where we are?

REVA:  Look, we talked about this, Nicki.

NICKI:  I know.

REVA:  We talked about this.  We’re taking control of our lives.

NICKI:  Right.

REVA:  If you want to be Mrs. Russell Crowe, you can’t be timid about things.  You have to grab the bull by the horns.  You have to decide to start living life.

NICKI:  And so we’ll get there—

REVA:  We’ll get there and we’ll get on one of those Malibu tours of stars’ houses and when we get to his house, we’ll get off the tour, we’ll walk up his front steps—they’re probably marble—we’ll ring his bell, his housekeeper will answer the door, we’ll state our business, we’ll be brought into his study to meet him, he’ll be smoking a cigar, we’ll curtsey, he’ll tell us that’s not necessary,   We’ll tell him what we’ve come for, and then we’ll ask him to…decide.

NICKI:  And he’ll choose one of us.

REVA:  Yes.

NICKI:  And the other will have to go home?

REVA:  Well…yes.

NICKI:  Couldn’t the other live in the mansion with Russell and the person he chooses?

REVA:  Well, that would be awkward, don’t you think?

NICKI:  I’m sure it’s a big house.  I’m sure he must have guest rooms.

REVA:  But wouldn’t it be hard for that other person living with Russell but not able to actually be with him?

NICKI:  It might be hard for that person, but what’s the alternative?  Living alone—now not just without Russell but without her best friend as well?  The only person who really gets her.

REVA:  Well, not everyone gets a happy ending, Nicki.

NICKI:  But aren’t…

            (A beat.)

REVA:  What?

NICKI:  I feel responsible for you.  You’re my best friend and I feel responsible for you.  Responsible for…your happy ending.

REVA:  Well..you don’t have to.  You don’t have to…

NICKI:  Don’t you feel responsible for me?  Maybe it’s the comet, but suddenly, it seems like…the obligations are a lot clearer.  Not to…our jobs or our car payments—those of us who own cars even though they pollute the environment—or watering plants or credit cards or whatever—but obligations to…each other.

REVA:  I…Yes.  I do—feel responsible.  For you.

NICKI:  So—what then?

REVA:  So…So.  You’ll stay at the house.  With Russell and I.  Me.  Whatever.  You’ll stay with us.  We’ll make due.  And if it’s hard for you, he and I will…set you up somewhere.  In a nice apartment.

NICKI:  And if he chooses me, I’ll do the same for you.

REVA:  Good.  Well—it’s like everything works itself out, doesn’t it?

NICKI:  It does.

            (A beat.)

And we’re sure he’s not married?

REVA:  Well..I haven’t actually checked, but I’m assuming he’s not.  But like I said—t doesn’t matter until we show him that he’s got options.

NICKI:  I bet he’ll be very glad to meet us.  No matter what he decides.

REVA:  Of course he will be.  We’re lovely people.

NICKI:  And I’m sure he’s lovely.

REVA:  Of course he’s lovely.  He’s a wonderful man.  He makes movies.  He has an Oscar.

NICKI:  I wonder what he’s thinking.  Sitting out there in his house…in Malibu.  Looking at the ocean.  Thinking he’s going to die without ever having met his true love.  Feeling so alone.

REVA:  Good thing we’re coming.

NICKI:  Exactly.  It’s a good thing we’re on our way.

            (They sit.  And wait.)