Fault

I guess the craziest thing to me

Was this obsession with fault

This kind of—

Everybody trying to pick apart

Whose fault it is

That they did it

The two guys

There were two of them
In my case

Uh, and I knew one of them

I didn’t know the other

I don’t know if that’s—

I don’t know if you’re looking

For information

Or just my feelings about—

Well, don’t tell me

I can talk about anything

Then you’ll never shut me up

I have a lot to say

About all this

I wasn’t really that talkative

Before all this

But now it’s like—

If I’m not the one talking

Nobody’s talking

Because nobody wants to talk

About all this

Not the act itself anyway

Just the fault

So basically what happened was

There was all this discussion

Towards me

It felt like it was—

Like it was at me?

About why these two guys

Who I guess came from

Really nice families

And had been doing really well in school

And no behavioral issues with either of them

Up to that point

Would, uh, you know—

I mean it was gang rape, really

The way it happened

The way it was, um, done

By the two of them

It was very aggressive

This was not accidental

This was not—

There was no question

Of what they were doing

I was unconscious

That was the part where, um

Some of the blame

The fault

Was, um, you know

People tried to put it on me

Because I got drunk

And passed out

In my room

In my room, yeah

Not some common space

And the guys—

The one I knew

And the other one

His friend

I guess

I don’t know

I don’t know who he is

I still really don’t

They came in and just—

And it was really violent

The act—that—

That’s always violent, I mean

But this—

There was clearly

From my point of view

An intention

To hurt me

Not just to—

It wasn’t a sexual thing

For them

I don’t even know

How they can claim it was

Not that rape really ever is

But it’s considered

A sexual crime, okay?

But there was no sex to this

It was a sexual assault

But everything behind it?

That was violent

That was all just violence

And we’re—

Let’s go back a second

Not back in time

But just back to a—

Bigger picture

Something happens

And we all want to know

How it happened

And I think—

I think things just happen

When you have a world

Like the one we have

People just break

Or they snap

Or the violence is there

Beneath the surface

And it comes out

And that’s not me

Excusing the two guys

But it’s more of a—

A condemnation

Of a lot of other forces

That are going on

That we need to address

And deal with, because—

If the way we prevent this from happening

To another girl

Is ‘You do that to a girl and you’re going to jail’

Which, um, barely any guys are, okay?

Barely any guys

Actually experience

Consequences

When this stuff happens

But that aside—

If the way we get this to stop

Is just by making guys scared

That they’ll go to jail

If they do it

Then—I’m sorry

But that’s not good enough for me

This is a dark force

A malevolent force

What these two guys did to me

Was evil

It was coming from a place

Of pure evil

And that’s something bigger

Than just the two of them

That’s why I don’t even care

If they do go to jail

Because it’s not going to fix the problem

It’s not going to stop it from happening again

And all that’s going to happen

Is that people are going to act like

They fixed something

And nothing is fixed

Nothing is going to be fixed

We are living in a world
In a country
Where deep down
Most people don't believe
Women should be having sex
For pleasure

That is a fucking problem
That is a big fucking problem
That jail is not going to fix

You want to talk about fault?

Okay, let's talk about fault

Who's fault is it
That jerking off is funny?

That boys jerking off is funny?

That boys chasing girls
Trying to get laid--

That there are countless movies
All about men--ugly men--who are juggling, like--

Four different hot girlfriends
At a time?

Who's fault is that?

And who's fault is it
That a movie where a woman
Masturbates
Or talks about fucking a guy
Gets an 'R' rating slapped on it so fast--

It's just--

It--

To hear somebody

Try to figure this all out?

It’s crazy to me

The idea that you can figure out

What makes two guys

Rape a sleeping girl

So badly she—

She has to, um—

I’m sorry, but can we stop?

I think I’d like to stop there

If that’s okay