Interlude: Speaker Phone

I put you on the speaker phone

Because I’m getting ready

This is the only time I like

Once I’m out

All I want to do

Is go home

Or go home

With somebody else

Doesn’t matter how early it is

Doesn’t matter how much fun

Everyone else is having

Nothing’s as good

As the music I can play here

For myself

And the food I have

In my fridge

And the lighting in my bathroom

Don’t take any photos

Of me tonight either

What do you do with them

Anyway?

The photos you take?

I never see them

No, I don’t want to see them

I don’t remember taking them

Never look at photos

You don’t remember taking

Are you coming over or not?

You know what?

Don’t

That’ll just end with us

Leaving here after midnight

Getting to the bar

Paying to get in

And taking off twenty minutes later

When nobody cute is there

I wish there was a way

You could call ahead

And find out if it’s worth it

To go somewhere

Before you go there

...But then I guess nobody would go anywhere

I swear, I have five minutes

Every time I’m getting ready

When I think I look better

Than I’ve ever looked

In my entire life

And then the five minutes are up

And I want to crawl into bed

And wait for death

My co-worker Missy

Was talking about how the 2000’s

Are going to be all about

Visualizing what it is you want

And so I started marking down

Different visualizations to do

For different days

Mondays are all about me visualizing

Not murdering anyone

Tuesdays are the same

Wednesdays are about visualizing the weekend

Thursdays are back to not murdering

Fridays are about visualizing finding love

Saturdays are about visualizing forgiving myself

For what I did on Friday

And Sundays are me visualizing

Not quitting my job

And so far it’s all going really well

Even though I’m pretty sure eventually

I am going to end up

Hitting somebody with my car

You ever sit down in your bathroom

As you’re getting ready

And think--

I could just stay here

I could just live here

I could rent out the rest of my apartment

Move to the tub

And wait twenty years

To step outside again

By then things will be more interesting

Won’t they?

I don’t necessarily

Need them

To be better

Just...more entertaining

A little excitement

A little drama

A little thrill here and there

Doesn’t that sound

So much better

Than what we have right now?

Nothing’s going on

Nothing’s happening

Nothing’s ever any different

From how it was the day before

I hope something

Changes soon

Because I’m so bored

I’m ready to set my living room

On fire just to see

If it wakes me up

But I guess for now

It’s just playing with my hair

Until it looks good

Then looks bad

Then looks good again

I’m just looking forward

To the five minutes, honesty

The only good five minutes

I’m going to have

Tonight