The Baby Cries

I walk into the room

And she cries

Dessa says

That it’s because

She’s scared of men

But I’m not a man, right?
I’m her father

She must know

I’m her father

When she calls out

Not wanting to sleep

Up all night

Dessa asks

If I’ll go in the room

And tend to her

But as soon as I do

The crying ratchets up

Tenfold

And I find myself

Backing out of her room

While she beats her hands

Against the side of her crib

When she eats

If I’m in the kitchen

She’ll shut her mouth tight

And refuse to let any food in

Until I’m away from the table

Dessa says

We can’t chastise her

Because she’s only a baby

And she doesn’t understand

Why she’s afraid of
What she’s afraid of

You can’t explain fear

To someone

Who doesn’t yet know

What safety is

She doesn’t know

That I’m safe

That she’s safe with me

Something insider her

Tells her

That I am not safe

That being around me

Would put her in danger

At night, I hear Dessa

Poor Dessa, my poor wife,

Exhausted but soldiering on

Because our daughter

Won’t accept comfort

From anyone but her

While I lay there in bed

I think about the danger

Inside myself

The things that might be

Dangerous

That perhaps

This perfect little soul

Could sense

Friends tell me

About strange things

That used to scare

Their children

The sound of singing

A ceiling fan

A piece of scotch tape

Being ripped in half

Do children know something

The rest of us don’t?

Are there sinister forces

In music and fans

And tape

That we can’t see

Or feel

But are there all the same?

Is there a sinister force

At work in me?

One day I came home

From work

And the baby was in her high chair

And could see me

Through the glass

That makes up

The middle of the door

Dessa always thought it was strange

That someone would put clear glass

In the middle of a front door

But I liked it

Something about the transparency

Appealed to me

I looked at my daughter

Through that glass

And I saw her face scrunch up

And her eyes water

But then she stopped

Her eyes dried up

Her face relaxed

And she laughed

She looked at me

And laughed

I knew it wasn’t

A realization

That I was safe

It was the discovery

That she was safe from me

Either because

I was on the other side of the door

Or because she had found

Something in herself

Something that told her

I would never pose a threat

Not compared

To whatever it was

Living

Inside

Her