Aaron and Katie Talk About Chipotle

Characters

Aaron

Katie

                (A forest.)

Aaron:  You know who I used to like?  Paul?  The guy who dated Wonder Woman?

Katie:  Paul didn’t date Wonder Woman.

Aaron:  Well, she looked like Wonder Woman.

Katie:  Who was the guy who looked like Chris Evans?

Aaron:  I don’t know.  We just called him Chris Evans.

Katie:  Right.

                (A beat.)

Aaron:  Nothing to be done.

Katie:  What?

Aaron:  I said the new Star Wars looks really fun.

Katie:  It does.  It does look fun.

Aaron:  It doesn’t look that fun.

Katie:  I wish you were wearing a hat.

Aaron:  I wish I was too.

                (A beat.)

Katie:  Remember Toni?

Aaron:  The guy with the handlebar mustache who kept buying us pizza?

Katie:  No, you’re thinking of Uncle Tony.

Aaron:  I don’t have an uncle named Tony.

Katie:  No, the pizza restaurant—Uncle Tony’s.

Aaron:  What about it?

Katie:  That’s what you’re thinking of.

Aaron:  And what are you thinking of?

Katie:  Well, now I’m thinking about pizza.

Aaron:  Me too.

Katie:  Oh well.

Aaron:  Nothing to be done.

Katie:  Infinity Wars could be fun, yes.  I agree.

                (A beat.)

Aaron:  Did you mean Toni with an ‘i?’

Katie:  Yes.

Aaron:  She hated when people asked for extra guac.

Katie:  She’d get so mad.

Aaron:  One time she stuck her finger in the guac and just left it there.

Katie:  Did they fire her?

Aaron:  They didn’t fire her, but I never saw her again.

Katie:  That’s probably because they fired her.

Aaron:  Maybe.

                (A beat.)

Katie:  I liked Kelly.  She was a fun manager.

Aaron:  She was.  She was fun.

Katie:  Like Star Wars.

Aaron:  Star Wars won’t be fun.

Katie:  Right.

Aaron:  Kelly was fun.

Katie:  She’s on Broadway now.

Aaron:  Really?

Katie:  Yup.

Aaron:  Wow.

Katie:  Yeah.

Aaron:  I feel like I’m going to die before I accomplish anything significant.

Katie:  Are you sure you aren’t already dead?

Aaron:  Would you be talking to me if I was dead?

Katie:  I’d love to talk to a ghost.

Aaron:  If I was a ghost, I’d have much better things to do than talk to you.

Katie:  Like what?

Aaron:  Like find out what happened to Toni with an ‘i.’

Katie:  If you find her, don’t ask her for extra guac.

Aaron:  I wouldn’t.

Katie:  Don’t.

Aaron:  I can’t.

Katie:  All right.

                (A beat.)

Aaron:  Misty was a good manager.

Katie:  She gave me a ride home.

Aaron:  She gave me a kidney.

Katie:  Only once.

Aaron:  Well the most you can do it is twice.

Katie:  She gave me a ride home three times.

Aaron:  Well then I guess she liked you more than me.

Katie:  I always suspected she did.

Aaron:  Well now the mystery is solved.

Katie:  Did she tell you why she can never go to New Jersey?

Aaron:  No.

Katie:  Oh.

                (A beat.)

Aaron:  Was it because of—

Katie:  No.

Aaron:  Oh.

Katie:  I’ll never tell you.

Aaron:  Fine.

Katie:  She liked me more.

Aaron:  I guess she did.

                (A beat.)

Katie:  Sometimes I would stare into the shredded chicken and just think about things.

Aaron:  Things like what?

Katie:  How you meet thousands of people you’ll never think about and each one of them has a life you’ll never be a part of and then maybe one day you’ll meet one of them again and you’ll introduce yourself, but you’ve already met, and so they’re strange and not strange, and you’re a stranger and not a stranger, and an introduction is actually a reunion.

Aaron:  I used to eat the chips and salsa and come up with knock knock jokes.

Katie:  Tell me one.

Aaron:  Knock knock.

Katie:  Who’s there?

Aaron:  Misty.

Katie:  Misty who?

Aaron:  Oh wait, is this New Jersey?  I’m not allowed to be here, but I can’t say why.

                (A beat.)

Katie:  Nothing to be done.

Aaron:  Yes, my joke was fun.  I’m glad you’re admitting it.

Katie:  I remember Owen who never took off his sunglasses.

Aaron:  I remember Nadia the girl who replaced all the lettuce with Romanian cabbage.

Katie:  I remember Greta the actress who claimed she was just working there as research.

Aaron:  I remember Phil the guy who let the pigeon in.

Katie:  I remember the pigeon.

Aaron:  I don’t remember his name.

Katie:  I don’t either.

Aaron:  Oh well.

Katie:  Oh well.

Aaron:  What can you do?

Katie:  Nothing.

Aaron:  Right.

Katie:  Nothing to be done.

                (End of Play.)