Sunday, November 19, 2017

Strong

Someone asked me what I did today
I said I went to work
Got coffee with a friend
And cleaned my house


They called me strong


I guess I could have stayed in bed all day
And called in sick
Turned off my phone
Let dirt pile up forever


And then I’d be what?
I guess...not strong?


There were things I didn’t know
I had the option not to do
And there were things I had to do
No matter what


Bad luck doesn’t pick a time to strike
It doesn’t happen when we like
And if it does
And we go on
Then what?


I guess we’re strong


My friend had just turned thirty
When he got back on drugs again
I found out from a friend
That he passed on


He suffered and he struggled
And he made one last mistake
And now he’s gone
And was he strong?


What’s bigger in a person’s mind
The things you overcome
Or the one dumb thing that takes you down
Forever


Are you strong until the day you die
Or is it now and then
I just think about my friend
And was he strong?


I can’t cry but I would like to
And when I can
Who should I cry to
And does crying or not crying
Make me strong


Does grief count if you don’t show it
Am I really being stoic
Am I cold or just in shock
Or am I strong?


Years ago you suffered some great loss
And made the bed
And brushed and flossed
You cooked your meals
You cleaned your house
You did it all
And did it all along


And even though you did all that
Nobody thought to tip a hat
And nobody would ever
Call you strong


Grief was just a luxury
That those who found themselves in need
Could only seem to manage
With a bit of endless poetry
Or a song


So you made your lunch
And dug your grave
You held the door
And said your prayers
And someone someday might just
Call you strong


Someone gets the help they need
And someone suffers silently
And some would say
That both of them
Are strong


The sky falls down
The oceans rise
You still wake up
And read your mail


The worse things get
The smallest task
Seems strong


And all the while
You smile at strangers
Bail on friends
Take out the trash
Don’t do the dishes
Fold the clothes
Check in on family
Skip a party
Eat too much
Or starve yourself


Do any of these things
Make you feel less
Strong?


Someone asked me what I did today
I said ‘Not much’
And walked away
And couldn’t help but think--


I don’t sound
Strong


I stared at a wall
For hours on end
Watched a film
Watched it again
And couldn’t tell
If I felt right or wrong


I don’t have words
For how I am
Except to say
‘Fine’ or ‘Okay’

All the rest
Sounds like too much
And not enough
I guess I'd say
That I'm getting along

But I'm alive
So yeah
It's fine
Just call me strong

And who has time
For all that stuff
I guess I do
But you--


I guess to hear it
You’d have to be
Strong


And why should you
Be strong for me
You might have
Your own tragedy
And how much strength
Can we carry along


It’s heavy when you need it light
It takes you right
Out of the fight
You think of real strength
You think--

I don’t belong


The truth is
You don’t know
How to be
Strong


No--


The truth is
You might not
Want to be
Strong


I've known some strong people
That's for sure
The sad thing is
I used to know more...

. . . . .

They asked me how I was today
I said ‘I’m going to be okay’
Because I got past yesterday
But now I'm thinking maybe I was wrong


They said I’m tough
I thought, Enough
But I said ‘Thanks’
And other stuff
I said too much
And went on far too long


I should have said
I’m glad
That someone
Thinks

I’m strong

But today I made my bed
I made some calls
I made some food
I didn't fight my appetite

I've been better
I've been great
I've been lost
I've lost weight

I made it past today
And lately
Days are long

And if I got this far
Who knows
I might be

Strong

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