Just A Little Change

(BELLE and ADAM are in bed.)

ADAM:  Hey Belle?

BELLE:  Yes?

ADAM:  This is a little awkward.

BELLE:  Is it about the fact that we need to buy all new utensils now?

ADAM:  Uh, no.

BELLE:  Didn’t you have forks before that witch showed up?  Where did all the non-enchanted forks go?

ADAM:  No, uh, I--I wanted to talk about how you haven’t seemed that...into me.

BELLE:  Oh.

ADAM:  Since, you know, I was--cured.

BELLE:  Right.

ADAM:  Is everything--okay?

BELLE:  Well, gosh, how do I put this?

ADAM:  Babe, you can talk to me.  Whatever you say, I’ll still love you.  No matter what.

BELLE:  I liked you better when you were the Beast.

(A beat.)

ADAM:  What?

BELLE:  You were so hot.

ADAM:  Honey, I was a dog-man.

BELLE:  I know.

ADAM:  I was like...half-bear.

BELLE:  I know!

ADAM:  You liked that?

BELLE:  I loved that!

ADAM:  I thought you fell in love with me for my personality.

BELLE:  Personality?  We said, like, two words to each other, then we waltzed, and then you got turned back into--(With barely hidden disgust.)--this.

ADAM:  Don’t say it like that!

BELLE:  I just don’t know why I learned to love you as a beast and then they turned you into a human.  That would be like falling in love with a blonde and then their hair magically turns brown.

ADAM:  You don’t fall in love with someone for their hair.

BELLE:  Maybe YOU don’t.

ADAM:  Now what are we supposed to do?

BELLE:  Well--can you grow a beard/

ADAM:  Not really?

BELLE:  A mustache?

ADAM:  No.

BELLE:  Stubble?  Anything? Meet me halfway here.

ADAM:  Maybe you could just learn to love me like this?

BELLE:  Or maybe I could move into the library and we just see each other on holidays?

ADAM:  Do you realize how crazy you sound?

BELLE:  Fine, every other weekend, but no more waltzing, you’re no good at leading.

ADAM:  Belle--

BELLE:  You were a much better dancer when you were eight feet tall and had a snout.

ADAM:  Belle.

BELLE:  God, I miss that snout.

ADAM:  Would you listen to yourself?

BELLE:  You know, if you had just ASKED me before you turned back--

ADAM:  I thought you’d be thrilled.

BELLE:  Nobody ever asks a woman what she wants.

ADAM:  When we first met, I scared the hell out of you.

BELLE:  That wasn’t fear, you bland pile of yogurt, that was excitement!  You were so exciting!

ADAM:  I was a monster.

BELLE:  First of all, you’re being very judgmental.

ADAM:  You never--

BELLE:  And second of all, maybe I like monsters.

ADAM:  Well then maybe you should have married Gaston.

BELLE:  God, he was so tall.

ADAM:  Belle!

BELLE:  What?

ADAM:  I’m tall!

BELLE:  You’re not THAT tall.

ADAM:  Well, I’m still a prince.

BELLE:  That’s true.  You are.

ADAM:  And I am who I am, so you’ll just have to get used to it.

(A beat.)

BELLE:  Maybe.

ADAM:  What do you mean ‘Maybe?’

BELLE:  Okay, so don’t be mad--

ADAM:  What did you do?

BELLE:  I invited a gypsy over for breakfast tomorrow.

ADAM:  Why would you do that?

BELLE:  So you can kick her out.

ADAM:  Why would I--ohmygodno!

BELLE:  Come on!

ADAM:  I am not going back to being a waltzing rug!

BELLE:  Maybe she’ll turn you into something even better this time.  Like a lizard! Imagine if you were a lizard!

ADAM:  That would be horrible!

BELLE:  No, it wouldn’t!  Lizards are very in right now.

ADAM:  I am not kicking that woman out and I am not turning into a creature and you are not moving into the library and if you keep this up, I’m not ordering any new forks!

BELLE:  Okay!

(A beat.)

Ugh.

ADAM:  What?

BELLE:  I just realized--this means we have to eat breakfast with a gypsy.

End of Play