Dancer Skips Christmas

First of all, he put me in back of Vixen

And I was like, Uh uh, Nope

No thanks

Not having it

I'm always in the front

I...go in...the front.

Thanks.

But, apparently, things have changed
Because I had to go in the back
And watch Vixen kick her fat legs at me all night
While Santa's yelling about how we're not going to get to Peru in time
And I'm like--

Maybe you shouldn't put the fatties up in front then

But whatever

I kept my mouth shut

I kept saying to myself--

We only have to do this once a year
And then I go back to my Miami petting zoo
And pretend these reindeer don't even exist

But THEN I hear Comet say to Cupid--

'Dancer thinks he's better than everybody'

And that's when I broke loose
And let them finish handing out to yo yo's to Bolivians

BY--THEM--SELVES

Of course I think I'm better than everybody
I AM better than everybody

Who do you think keeps all the toy assignments straight?

If it weren't for me
We would have been handing out Barbie dolls to starving kids in Bombay
And they probably would have tried eating Barbie's fake hair

But do I get a thank you?

No

I get attitude

So forget it

I'm skipping Christmas

Whatever

I just wanted to dance anyway

That's what I wanted this year

So Merry Christmas to me