Vixen

Just so we're clear

I'm not flying on Christmas
Unless we straighten out
The Blitzen situation

He keeps staring at me in the stable
And it's REALLY uncomfortable

For one thing, he smells like a moose

I accept the fact that when you're a reindeer
All the guys that hit on you
Are going to smell like the forest
But smelling like a moose is a whole other issue

I tried talking to Santa about it
But he's all--Go talk to Rudolph, he's the leader

And I'm all--Great, because I really want to discuss this with Lite Brite

Who, by the way, keeps sending me messages on Facebook
Asking if I want to "get coffee"
Which is gross
Because that nose freaks me out
And I don't care how many cute kid songs they sing about it
It's still creepy

But not as creepy as Blitzen asking to fly next to me on Christmas night
Just so he can tell me how much poetry he's been writing about me
And how our antlers would look so cute all tangled up in each other

He's a freak

So look, I'm not flying
Until we get this taken care of

And as far as I'm concerned
All those little kids can wait to get their new bikes
Because until I get MY Christmas wish
Nobody else is getting theirs