I'm not in the show
Because I was the best person at the audition
And it terrified everybody else there
People were practically running out of the room
Terrified of how brilliant I was
One girl said--I quit acting. I'm never acting again. I have seen the light of pure genius and it is glorious and now I can no longer pretend that I am even a sliver of anything compared to what I have just witnessed.
Then she became a nun
The director couldn't give me a monologue
Because if he did
Everyone in the audience would laugh so hard
They would pee
Tons of people peeing
It would be so gross
The last time I was onstage
Eight boys in the cast fell in love with me
And when I told them that I don't date because my art is my only true love
They all became nuns
Everyone around me becomes nuns
It's a curse to have a gift
Plus, my hair--I mean, c'mon--amazing, right?
Anyway that's why I didn't get in the show
And I'm so cool with it
Because when you're a brilliant star
Filled with love and goodness and amazingness
Then you learn to accept that common people can't appreciate
Everything you have to often
But you can all still totally look at my hair
Because it is too good to pass up, I know
After all
You're only human
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