The Iceman Cometh

When Beth decided to stay in New York

To pursue better things

Than our little acting company

The Board went nuts

Trying to find a new Artistic Director

Before the start of the fifteenth season

A lot of people were upset about Beth leaving

But I was just fine with it

One less bitch in the kennel

In my opinion

But even I had to admit I was stunned

When the Board told us

Who they hired

To be the new AD

They were bringing Beau back

He’d been gone for four years

And I can’t say many people missed him

He had trouble getting along with everyone

Probably because he was a sociopath

Poor thing

I guess Beau had called when he found out Beth was leaving

And the Board needed somebody so bad

They couldn’t turn him down

So they let him come back

And warned him that if he acted up

They’d send him packing again

I always thought Beau would be too proud

To step foot in that theater again

But then again, he founded the place

So maybe he felt like he had some responsibility to it

It was the only thing he ever showed any kind of loyalty to

Anyway, I will say he came back a new man

And his first show was The Iceman Cometh

Which is no walk in the park

He said he had this new calm

From seeing this spiritual advisor

That was really big in the late 70’s

Suddenly everything was about energies

And feelings

Chakras and chanting

Like the time I spent on that commune

Without all the potatoes

And the hairless goats

Remind me to tell you about that

Some other time

Not everybody liked the new Beau

I know I didn’t

I missed the crazy, screaming, manipulative

Emotionally abusive asshole

His old work was solid

It had a, you know, punch to it

It hit you

Sometimes he did too

Kidding, kidding

Sortakindanotreally

At the cast party for Iceman

A bunch of us brought our families

Since Beau hadn’t seen any of them in awhile

He was all laughter and tears

Shaking hands, kissing babies

Hugged my husband

Like they were brothers

And then looked right at my son

And said—Well, isn’t he cute?

I felt like saying—

‘Yeah, but he’s a real pain in the ass

Just like his Daddy;

But I didn’t

You see, the thing about it is

When you leave somewhere

You leave things behind

Whether you like it or not

As far as I was concerned

Beau was dead

And this new hippy dippy dump truck in front of me

Was just a poor facsimile

Not a man

Not an artist

And certainly not the father of my child

So I just kept my mouth shut

And told him how glad I was

He was back

I think he believed me too

Just goes to show you

What a good actress I am