The School for Wives

I decided to divorce my husband
During the intermission

We were watching a production
Of The School for Wives
At the Orpheus Theater
And I was really enjoying it
While he seemed to be
Checking his watch
And yawning loudly

My husband was one of those lovely people
Who can make a yawn sound like a sneeze

As soon as Act One was over
And the lights came up
I turned to him and said—

I want a divorce

He was upset
Obviously
And demanded that I take him home

I informed him
That I wanted to stay
And find out how the play ended
Even though I’d seen it before
When I was college
Back when we met
And he actually liked going to the theater with me

I wasn’t ready for the divorce to begin
But I was ready for the prologue of it, you know?

He left and took a taxi home
And I got a glass of wine at the bar
And finished watching

Afterwards, I followed the young man playing the son
To this local dive bar
Where the actors all went
And struck up a conversation with him

He was lovely
And handsome
And liked slightly older women

I was older then
Than I appear now

Why show up to a party in an old dress, right?

Anyway, we went back to his place
And made love

Overall, it was a very successful night

Good theater
The end of a bad marriage
And the beginning of a new life

All because I sat there
Quietly
Laughing at this beautiful piece of art
And suddenly anything that wasn’t working in my life
Just became loud

As loud as that yawn

And I wanted it to stop

That’s the wonderful thing about theater

It forces us to sit and listen
To something other than
The nonsense going on
Inside our heads

I went to the theater right up until the day I died

I had a heart attack right before the intermission
Of A Man for All Seasons
And even then
I waited until the show was over
Before I walked to a nearby bench
And silently passed away

It was always so important to me
To wait
Until the show was really over
Before making
My exit