When she threw me out
Of the acting company
I was drinking so much back then
I almost fell offstage during a performance
And all anybody was worried about
Was helping me keep my job
Now I look back and think
‘Screw my job, what about my life?’
Not that I blame them
For trying to help me
It’s just hard not to look back on that time of my life
Without a lot of anger coming to the surface
Mostly anger at myself, you know?
For being such a screw-up
It was just the perfect storm of addiction
I was making money
I was doing what I love
I should have been so happy
Sometimes you find that you’re the most miserable
When you should be the happiest
Because despite the fact that you should be feeling great
You’re not
And so that makes you feel even worse
What hurts me the most
Is that my art suffered
What I loved
What I loved more than anything on this earth
I compromised
That’s what really kicks me in the guts
Most of us who had those sorts of problems
Tell ourselves that nobody noticed
Or that we gave the best performances
When we were drunk
Bullshit
Regardless of how good you were drunk
You always could have been better sober
At least I could have been
Years later I auditioned for Beth
At another theater
Where she was guest directing
Right before she fired me
I was supposed to be in The Little Foxes
God, I love that show
Well, this theater was doing it
And Beth was going to direct it
And I thought--
Okay, here's some unfinished business
I can take care of
So I walk into that room
And there's Beth behind the table
And before I can say anything
She puts her hand up and says--
'You drinking?'
I said, 'No, Beth, I'm not.
Not for years now.'
And that was the truth
'Then,' she said, 'You got the role'
She came around the table
And hugged me
I know a lot of people didn't like her
Because she was a woman
And she was tough
And she didn't put up with anything from anybody
But let me tell you something--
Anybody who says she didn't have a heart
Was full of shit
She was a damn fine lady
And the best boss I ever had
Most of us who had those sorts of problems
Tell ourselves that nobody noticed
Or that we gave the best performances
When we were drunk
Bullshit
Regardless of how good you were drunk
You always could have been better sober
At least I could have been
Years later I auditioned for Beth
At another theater
Where she was guest directing
Right before she fired me
I was supposed to be in The Little Foxes
God, I love that show
Well, this theater was doing it
And Beth was going to direct it
And I thought--
Okay, here's some unfinished business
I can take care of
So I walk into that room
And there's Beth behind the table
And before I can say anything
She puts her hand up and says--
'You drinking?'
I said, 'No, Beth, I'm not.
Not for years now.'
And that was the truth
'Then,' she said, 'You got the role'
She came around the table
And hugged me
I know a lot of people didn't like her
Because she was a woman
And she was tough
And she didn't put up with anything from anybody
But let me tell you something--
Anybody who says she didn't have a heart
Was full of shit
She was a damn fine lady
And the best boss I ever had
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