Auntie Cheryl's Rich Man's Stuffing

You can't tell her you hate it
Because she'll die
Right there on the cheap linoleum

Mama told her 'Cheryl, no linoleum'

'It may be acceptable now
But years from now
People will think it's tacky'

Mama was always ahead of her time

And she had a way of knowing things
Of knowing the limitations of people
About what they could do

That's what she said 'Never let your brother buy clothes'
And 'Never let B. pick out a husband--even for herself'
And 'Never let Cheryl near a stove'

Well, we did our best
But when Mama died
We all divvied up
The Thanksgiving dishes

And even though we tried to get her to take yams
Cheryl wanted stuffing

Said she had this great recipe
And we thought, Okay, it's not a casserole or anything
How hard can it be
To make a good stuffing?

That was fifteen years ago
And we're still eating it

And by that, I mean the stuffing she served us fifteen years ago
Is still digesting in our stomaches

We call it Rich Man's Stuffing
Because Cheryl loves telling us
How she put the finest this and that in it
From these markets
That only people on the east side go to

I didn't even think they had markets on the east side
I thought when you have that much money
Your personal chefs just carry the food in with them

The stuffing's too salty
That's the first problem

I guess rich men like salt
Because you have to drink three glasses of water
Or wine, you know, if you like that sort of thing
--Just to get the taste out of your mouth

B. brought a boy home for Thanksgiving one year
And after Cheryl went home
He said the stuffing tasted gamey

I said 'What the hell does gamey mean?'
And he said 'Gamey means it might have still be alive when you stuck the fork in it'
I told B. she needs to stop dating comedians
But truth be told
He wasn't wrong

One time my husband Bobby said--

'Why do you eat it if you hate it so much?
Just pass on it a few years in a row
And eventually she'll get the point'

That's when I slapped him upside his head
And told him her not getting the point
IS the point

See, Mama gave us all this advice
But the most important advice she gave us
Was that family is everything

So if your sister makes a bad stuffing
Or marries a jackass
Or your brother dresses
Like a little kid playing in an attic
Then you smile, and nod, and keep on loving them
No matter what

Then when they leave
You talk about them behind their back
And bust out the stuffing you made earlier that day
So you still get your Thanksgiving fix

You know what my mother said about me before she died?

Nothing

At least not while I was in the room

That's love, kids
That's nothing but love