Molly Gets Fired

--  An office  --

Gerald, The Boss
Molly, The Employee

Molly:  I just don't understand this.

Gerald:  I'm so sorry, Molly.

Molly:  But you begged me to take this job.

Gerald:  I know.  I know I did.

Molly:  I mean, you actually begged me, Gerald.

Gerald:  Mr. Bronson.

Molly:  What?

Gerald:  I--

Molly:  Oh.  Oh!  No!  I'm not calling you Mr. Bronson!  You're not letting me keep my job.  Can I keep my job?

Gerald:  No.

Molly:  Then you're Gerald.

Gerald:  Fair enough.

Molly:  Unless you change your mind.

Gerald:  That's not going to happen.

Molly:  Gerald, you got on your knees.

Gerald:  I know.

Molly:  You were on your knees begging me to take this job.  Do you remember that?

Gerald:  Of course I remember it.  I remember it like it was yesterday.

Molly:  It was yesterday, Gerald.  You hired me yesterday.

Gerald:  But doesn't that seem like such a long time ago now, Molly?

Molly:  Not really, Gerald.  I haven't even unpacked at my desk yet.  I don't even know where the break room is.

Gerald:  It's better you don't see it.  I'd hate for you to emotionally invest.

Molly:  How can this be happening?

Gerald:  Well, Molly, it turns out you're incompetent.

Molly:  What?

Gerald:  You're absolutely wrong for this job.  It couldn't be more clear.

Molly:  But you hired me!

Gerald:  It was much clearer today than it was yesterday.  Yesterday was a dark time for this company.

Molly:  I know!  That's why you said you needed me!  You said I was a light that could guide the company out of the darkness!

Gerald:  I couldn't have been more wrong.

Molly:  Does that mean somebody's firing you?

Gerald:  No, I'd have to fire me.

Molly:  And do you plan on doing that?

Gerald:  I'm going to give it a few days.  I'd hate to do anything rash.

Molly:  But you're firing me!

Gerald:  Molly, we have to stop the bleeding.  You're like an open wound.  Somebody needs to shove salt in you.

Molly:  Shoving salt into a wound only makes it worse!

Gerald:  You can probably see why I hired you.  I'm very bad at identifying effective solutions.

Molly:  THEN MAYBE YOU SHOULDN'T BE IN CHARGE OF HIRING PEOPLE!

Gerald:  But I hired me!  And look how well I'm working out!

Molly:  So what am I supposed to do now?

Gerald:  I think it would be for the best if you just pretended you were never here.  I know that's what we're going to do.  Our studies show that a good number of people on your floor called out sick yesterday, and we're certain we can convince the other people that you were just a mirage.

Molly:  I just can't believe that between yesterday and today you've gone from thinking I was a savior to thinking I'm completely worthless.

Gerald:  Molly, I'm going to share something with you.  Something personal.  I'm currently on a lot of drugs--all prescription, legal, mostly, but still--I go in and out of what you might call--hazes.  It's possible I was in one when I hired you and begged you on my knees to come work for this company.  It's also possible I just wanted to sleep with you and now that I know you're married that seems so unlikely that I sort of just want you to go away.

Molly:  I could sue you for this.

Gerald:  Hahaha you wouldn't be the first.

Molly:  How did those lawsuits work out?

Gerald:  We, as a company, feel that if we just don't go to court, it'll all go away.

Molly:  That's an awful idea.

Gerald:  As I said, Molly, we're not the best with problem-solving.

Molly:  Maybe it's better I'm being fired.

Gerald:  There you go, Molly!  Already looking on the bright side!  With an attitude like that, I'm sorry I have let you go.

Molly:  But you still are, right?

Gerald:  Right.  But try me again tomorrow.  Who knows how I'll be feeling then.

(The End)