He'll Have a New Girl Tomorrow

What you have to understand about that guy
Is that he'll have a new girl tomorrow
If you take off

Not because he's attractive
But because he's a man
And there's always a woman for a man
And the reverse is not always true
And that's just something to consider

Because you're going to be all tied up in knots
When you think you've got the upper hand
And you find out somebody new's already moving in
To your old place

If you're going to make this about winning
I'm just letting you know
You're not going to win
Not unless you have some boy waiting in the wings
Ready to replace this one

If this is one of those break-ups
Where you're just trying to find yourself
And learn who you are without a man
Then good for you
But just know that he's not going to be doing the same

Once a man gets used to not having to iron
He's never going to iron
And he'll marry anything with a pulse
If she agrees to get the wrinkles out of his shirt
Every morning

You can't get upset about that kind of thing
It's just how men are
They're not resilient
They can't survive on their own

So God made sure that there would always be a woman there
Ready to swoop in and save a man from drowning

What you have to know is that he didn't make things the same way for us
Because we don't need anybody to save us
Because we're not drowning

Honey, if you walked out
Then that means some part of you was saying
You could swim if you could only kick the flailing guy off of you
So don't look back when some poor girl
Decides it's her time
To be the human life preserver and--

Dammit, now I'm all lost in the metaphor

Look, tomorrow he may wake up
And try ironing his own damn shirts
Or he may just go out
And find another version of you
To do it for him
And the important thing to remember is
It has nothing to do with you

From this moment on
The life of someone else
This life you shared with them?

That's over

You're on your own now

So he may have somebody else
But who cares, right?

Because it's not a contest
It's not about who finds someone else first
Or who gets to be happy first
And when they get there
Just how happy are they?

Doesn't matter at all

All that matters is
Remembering why you left
And feeling good knowing maybe you made it a little easier
For the next person who comes along