A Wonderful Thanksgiving

Characters

Jody

Mike

Paul

Diana

                (A dining room.)

Jody:  Diana, thank you so much for spending Thanksgiving with us.  It’s been so quiet since Beth and her husband decided to spend the holidays in Iran.

Mike:  Does anyone know why Iran?

Paul:  Beth said she got a good deal on the flight.

Mike:  So Diana, what do you do for a living?

Diana:  Oh Paul, didn’t tell you?  I’m Wonder Woman.

Jody:  How lovely!  We’re a big fan of superheroes in this house.

Mike:  I went to school with Batman.

Jody:  And my cousin knows Tyne Daly.

Diana:  Oh, is she a superhero?

Jody:  (Laughing.)  She has six Emmys, Diana.  I’d say she’s a superhero.

Diana:  Forgive me, I’m still learning so much every day.  Last week, Paul taught me how to track a UPS order.

Paul:  She picked it right up.  I was very proud of her.

Mike:  Have you saved the world recently?

Diana:  Oh yes.  It was very exciting, but I’m looking forward to a little break.

Mike:  Have you given any thought to what you’ll do when you’re not being a superhero?

Diana:  What do you mean?

Jody:  He’s talking about your secret identity.  When you’re just being Diana.

Mike:  Exactly.  Have you thought about how you’d like to spend your time?

Diana:  Well, I am very intelligent—

Jody:  (Laughing.)  And humble.

Diana:  I’m sorry?

Paul:  She’s just joking with you, Diana.

Jody:  I like that you’re confident.  And intelligent.  You know what?  You should consider grad school.

Diana:  Oh, I studied rigorously back home.

Jody:  But did you get an advanced degree?

Diana:  I don’t think I got any degree.

Mike:  You’re going to need a degree, Diana.

Diana:  A degree in what?

Jody:  Well, it’s best to pick something that you’re interested in, so—Maybe saving the world?

Diana:  But I’m very good at saving the world already.

Paul:  But you don’t have any proof of that, Diana.

Diana:  Is there not still a world?

Jody:  Well—

Diana:  Can that be my proof?

Mike:  Not if you want to teach.

Diana:  Teach?

Jody:  Yes, if you wanted to teach other people to save the world.

Diana:  I could do that.

Paul:  But you’d need to be certified, Diana.

Diana:  Does a degree certify me?

Mike:  Well, it can—

Jody:  She wouldn’t need the degree if she focused on teaching college—

Diana:  So college isn’t as important?

Paul:  No, it’s the most important.

Diana:  I’m very confused.

Jody:  You’re better off playing it safe and getting a PhD.  Get two.  In a few years, everyone will have one, and you’ll need multiple doctorates just to stay in the game.

Diana:  Oh, will there be a game?  I’m good at games.  Especially if archery is involved.

Mike:  What about kids?  Have you thought about having kids?

Diana:  I would love children.  Teaching a child to throw a spear into the face of their enemy is one of the greatest gifts bestowed upon us.

Mike:  Riiiiiiiiiiight.

Paul:  We’re not talking about kids just yet.

Mike:  You should.  Neither one of you is getting any younger.

Diana:  But I thought you wanted me to go to school?

Mike:  You should have kids and then go to school.

Jody:  No, she should go to school and then have kids.

Paul:  I thought maybe she could do both at the same time.

Jody:  Only a man would say that.

Paul:  Isn’t saying that progressive of me?  I’m saying she can do it all.

Jody:  Nobody can do it all.

Paul:  She’s Wonder Woman.

Jody:  She’s still a woman.

Mike:  That’s sexist.

Jody:  That’s honest.  Also, I’m a woman and I know what I’m talking about.  I had Beth and went to school at the same time and by the time it was all over, I had high blood pressure, forty extra pounds, and a right eye that twitched until the kids were in high school.

Diana:  Perhaps having children and going to school are not wise ideas for women.  Have you ever considered making the men do it?

Jody:  Please, I just taught Mike how to seal a trash bag properly.

Paul:  Maybe we should lay off telling Diana what to do with her future.  She’s doing pretty well so far, wouldn’t you say?

Mike:  We’re just making conversation.

Jody:  Paul is right.  I’m sorry, Diana.  Anybody who’s saved the world multiple times doesn’t need advice about her career path.

Diana:  I don’t mind, really.

Mike:  No, it’s true.  You’ve clearly got things all figured out.

Diana:  Well, I—

Paul:  And pretty soon, she’s going to be joining the union.

Jody:  The union?

Diana:  Paul, we talked about this.

Paul:  The Superhero’s Union.  She just has to save the world one more time, and she’ll have enough points to qualify.

Mike:  I didn’t realize there was a union.

Paul:  All the best superheroes are in the union.  The last person you want saving the world is a non-union superhero.

Diana:  I’m not really interested in joining the union.

Paul:  Since when?

Diana:  Since—forever.  You never listen to me when I say it, but—

Jody:  So she’s not allowed to save the world unless she joins a union?

Paul:  She can, but there might be an instance when only a union superhero can save the world, and I’d hate to have her sit something like that out just because she doesn’t—why don’t you want to join?

Diana:  Why should I have to join?  Batman and Superman are in the union, and I’m much more talented than they are.  Critics and audiences agree.

Paul:  But they have more experience than you do.

Diana:  But they’re not better than me.

Mike:  He’s saying they’ve been saving the world longer than you have.

Diana:  And yet, I’m better at it.

Jody:  But we’re talking about experience, Diana.

Mike:  And Batman is much more educated than you are.

Diana:  Have you ever considered that experience and education, while worthwhile, might ultimately be useless to someone who’s just naturally good at something?  That, perhaps, someone is just talented and that encouraging them to do this or that might only tarnish that talent and erode it in some way?

                (A beat.)

Jody:  Mike, can you pass the yams?

Paul:  Diana—

Diana:  What’s wrong?

Mike:  Do we have more corn?

Paul:  You can never say that again.

Diana:  But isn’t it—

Paul:  Never.  Say that.  Again.

Jody:  I have more corn in the kitchen.  I’ll get it.

Diana:  I’m sorry if I—

Mike:  No, no, I’ll get it.

Jody:  I hope Beth is having fun in Iran.

Mike:  I’m sure she’s having a blast.

Paul:  We should try and Facetime her after dinner.

Jody:  That would be great.

Diana:  Has something happened?

Mike:  I’d love that.

Diana:  I feel as though something has happened.

Paul:  Everything’s fine.

Diana:  It doesn’t feel fine.

Jody:  Diana, do you know what my superpower is?

Diana:  No, I didn’t even know you had a superpower.

Jody:  I do, in fact.  We all do.

Diana:  What is it?

Jody:  We pretend things are fine, and then they just—are fine.

Diana:  Really?

Jody, Mike, and Paul:  Yes.

Diana:  That’s…very impressive.

Jody:  Isn’t it?

Diana:  I’ve never seen a superpower like that.

Jody:  We’re just lucky I guess.

                (End of Play.)