Nicknames for the Dying

I got nicknames

For all the dying

That fair-haired one

With the slow walk

Towards Back Funnel

He’s not going to be around

Much longer

Twice I seen him stumble

Twice I set up
Ready to help him out

But now he's got his footing back

Good for him

Sometimes you can’t help

Rooting for them

It’s human nature

You want a smoke?

I’m trying to quit

Because—

I got this cough

And it’s pissing me off

Gets my hand shaking

And that’s no good

Slow Cooker

That’s what I call

The fair-haired one

The one with the cane

Is Ahab

And the two sisters

Are the Shining Twins

There are more

But those are the ones

I see all the time

I'd bet on Slow Cooker

Dropping first

But he’s a stubborn

Son-of-a-bitch

And that just goes to show you

You don’t really know

How much kick

Somebody has left in ‘em

Until you’re waiting for 'em

To run out on you

My father’s nickname
Was Pocket Change

Because he’d always go around

Shaking two quarters together

Like he was heading

For a jukebox

Some other guy

Took him out

'Cause I had another job
Out-of-state that day

Thought maybe I had a few more months with him

But there you go

Can’t plan on anything

These days

My ex-wife came to the funeral

And asked me

When I’m going to stop

All this

I told her there are things in this world

That need to be taken care of

And if she doesn’t want to be one of the people

Stepping up to handle what needs handling

Then she should keep her mouth shut

She didn’t like that very much

And I didn’t like her

Coming to my father’s funeral

Telling me what I ought to be doing

With my life

Jesus Christ

You think this is how I wanted things to go?

Trust me

I had other plans

For myself

Other things

I wanted

To accomplish

But that and a dollar

Might get you some gum
And not much else...

I gotta tell you something

Because if I don’t

It’ll eat away at me

I had a shot at Slow Cooker yesterday

A good one

He fell

Right outside his house

A few feet from his front door

He just went down

And when they fall

You’re not supposed to ask questions

You’re just supposed to take your shot

He even laid there for a second

Probably waiting for it

Probably knew

Somebody was watching

We all have a job to do here

And Slow Cooker was laying there

Waiting for me

To do my job

And I didn’t do it

Not sure why

I’ll be honest with you

I’ve heard other guys talk about times

When they just couldn't pull it

Not because they froze

Or they panicked

Or they felt guilty

It's just…

Sometimes you can’t

I’ve never had that problem

But yesterday…

I didn’t even take the safety off

I didn’t even…

Just waited for him to get up

Then let him walk away

I said if he fell again

I would take care of him

But he didn’t
And a part of me
Knew he wouldn't

He went inside his house

I had a smoke

Coughed for what felt like

Five fucking hours

And then I just…

Kept sitting there

You’re not supposed to give them nicknames

Any of them

And if you find out one of their real names

By accident or something
You’re supposed to request

Reassignment

But…

Slow Cooker’s mine

And I feel a…

I feel that when it’s his time

I’ll know when that it is

And I can make a judgment call

That’s based on more than just—

Oh, well he fell

Oh, okay, well

That’s it

No

No, no, no

Fuck that

I’ll say when it’s time

I’ll be the one

To decide