Play All-4-One

If you went to prom

At a certain time in the 90’s

Uh, like--

There was a three-year window

I would say

Where--

If you went to prom

You were going to hear

All-4-One

They really only had two hits

But both of them were, like--

Solid prom songs

‘I Swear’ and ‘I Could Love You Like That’

And, depending on which one is your favorite

You’re either a total romantic

Or someone who’s had their head

Slammed in the door

By love a few times

‘I Swear’ was still being used as a wedding song

When I went to Krissy Fredickson’s wedding in 1999

But the bloom was definitely off the rose at that point

And more than a few people commented

Under their breath

That the wedding had a very ‘vintage’ feeling to it

And they clearly

Didn’t mean it

In a good way

Krissy Fredrickson took me to prom

In 1994

And as soon as we got there

She ditched me

So she could hang out with her two girlfriends

Carrie Loudman and Jessica Newton

Although none of them are friends anymore

Krissy needed a date

Because nobody wanted to go with her

Due to her proclivity towards crying

For absolutely no reason

And I needed a way into prom

Because I knew

James Lanning was going to be there

And James Lanning

Was the most beautiful guy

You have ever seen

In your life

He was there stag

Because that’s how badass he was

An openly gay guy

At a prom

Stag

Oh--and he was wearing

Red leather pants

Which--

I mean, if that isn’t the hottest thing ever

I don’t know what is

My night pretty much consisted of me

Stalking him all over the Elk’s Club

Watching from afar as he danced

With every girl there

And a few of the straight guys

Who were eager to prove

Just how okay they were

With him being him

I told myself that years from that night

I would find myself at some fancy party

Dancing with James, my husband of many years

And that both of us would be wearing tuxedos

And that we’d have two kids at home

Twins--Kelly and Brenda

And that life would be fearless

But, uh--

You get older and you don’t really

Have the opportunity to go

To a lot of fancy parties

And tuxedos are expensive

Twins are even more expensive

And guys like James

Become someone you add on social media

One night when you’re up at 3am

Wondering how you’re going to cover

Your next student loan payment

But in the interest of not leaving you

On a depressing note, uh--

I should tell you that

They played All-4-One

At that prom

‘I Could Love You Like That’

Not really a great prom song

If you think about it

Because it’s not about love secured

But love lost

Love...unrequited

It’s about wishing you could be something

Somebody

And not feeling like you’re good enough

To, uh, actually be that person

But there was a moment

In the song

When, uh, I was just sitting at a table

Watching all the boys

Dance with all the girls

Krissy was in the bathroom

Crying because someone told her

She looked like Wynona

And that, like, did not go well at all

For some reason

And, uh, I felt this--presence in front of me

It was James

And…

He was like--

‘Do you want to dance?’

And I said…

‘Yeah’

And we went out on the dance floor

And we danced, and--

I don’t know if anybody even noticed us, but--

But, uh…

It was really special

Up until then

I didn’t know if I deserved to, uh

Have anything like that, uh--

You know

Stuff like that was--

--Was for other people?

By the way, a year after that night

Where I was up

Counting my six pennies

And adding James on Facebook?

A year later, we got married

And I had them play ‘I Swear’

It wasn’t the song we started out with

But it was where we wound up

And somewhere in there

Maybe there’s a happy ending

Maybe not just for me, but, you know--

For all of us