Did You Call?

    (A series of phone calls.)

LISA:  Did you call Aunt Marie?

NATALIE:  Why would I call her?

LISA:  She had surgery.

NATALIE:  Is she okay?

LISA:  She’s fine.  They got the tooth out.

NATALIE:  Oh, so like--dental work.

LISA:  You should call her.

NATALIE:  I’ll call her.  One sec.

MARIE:  Hello?

NATALIE:  Auntie, how are you?

MARIE:  Did your mother tell you to call me?

NATALIE:  Yes.

MARIE:  I’m fine.  Tell her to stop telling everyone to call me.

NATALIE:  Okay. Love you.

MARIE:  Love you.

NATALIE:  Mom, stop telling everyone to call Aunt Marie.  She’s fine.

LISA:  Did she tell you that?

NATALIE:  Yes.

LISA:  Marie?

MARIE:  What?

LISA:  Did Natalie call you?

MARIE:  Yeah.

LISA:  Okay, just making sure.  Natalie?

NATALIE:  Yeah?

LISA:  I talked to Auntie Marie, she said you called her.

NATALIE:  I told you I called her.

LISA:  Well I called to make sure.

NATALIE:  You didn’t believe me?

LISA:  It’s not that I don’t believe you, I just wanted to be sure.

NATALIE:  Why would I make that up?

LISA:  Marie, Natalie and I had a fight.

MARIE:  What was it about?

LISA:  She said I didn’t believe that she called you.

MARIE:  If you believed her, why did you call me to ask if she called me?

LISA:  Why is everybody against me all of a sudden?

NATALIE:  Mom, Aunt Marie said you’re mad at me for accusing you of not believing me?

LISA:  So now you two are in cahoots?

MARIE:  Lisa, Natalie says you think she and I are in cahoots.

LISA:  I don’t remember saying cahoots.

MARIE:  Why would she make up ‘cahoots?’

LISA:  Doesn’t sound like me.

NATALIE:  Mom, Aunt Marie says her mouth is going to get infected from all the talking she’s doing because you keep calling her about me and then I have to call her to find out what you’re saying about me.

LISA:  You know when we were little, she bit me on the arm and told our parents it was a stray dog.  But there was no dog.

NATALIE:  Okay, we’re going to put a pin in that and literally never take out the pin.

MARIE:  Your mother is a sick woman, Natalie.

LISA:  Is she telling you I’m a sick woman?

NATALIE/MARIE:  No./Yes.

MARIE:  She’s my sister and I love her more than the air I breathe into my lungs, but she’s the worst human being who ever walked the face of the earth.

LISA:  Is she saying mean things about me?

NATALIE/MARIE:  No./Yes.

LISA:  Ask her where grandma’s sweater is.

NATALIE:  Oh no.

LISA:  I wanted that sweater when your grandmother died, and not one day after the funeral, nobody can find it.

MARIE:  Is she asking about that friggin’ sweater?

NATALIE/LISA:  No./Yes.

MARIE:  Tell her that sweater was disgusting and we threw it out and she should be grateful because it probably would have given her lyme disease.

NATALIE:  She says it’s probably in a box somewhere.

LISA:  Ask her if she’s coming over for Christmas dinner.

MARIE:  Tell her I am.  What should I bring?

LISA:  Tell her she doesn’t have to bring anything.

MARIE:  Tell her I’m bringing dinner rolls.

LISA:  Tell her not to bring rolls.  I’m already making rolls.

MARIE:  Tell her I’m bringing the rolls.

LISA:  Tell her.

MARIE:  Tell her.

LISA/MARIE:  Tell her.

NATALIE:  I’ll tell her.

LISA/MARIE:  Good.

NATALIE:  I hope they never learn how to text.

    End of Play