Haircuts for the Bald and Hairless

Nobody ever comes in

He thinks it’s funny

The name

I don’t

I don’t think it’s funny at all

But some people can’t resist a joke

And he’s one of them

I shouldn’t say--

I shouldn’t say nobody comes in

People poke their head

To see if we’re serious

About all this

And when they see the place empty

And us standing around with our clippers

And our empty chairs

They get all--

Everybody wants to see if something is a joke

And then when they see that it is

They get all confused

I don’t understand people

And I only work in this shop

Because my counselor says

I have to have a job

And this is the only place in town

That would hire me

After I burned down the car shop

I saw the posting

And thought it was a joke

Just like everybody else

Then when they hired me on the spot

I said--

I’ve never cut hair in my life

And he said--

We cater strictly to the bald

And hairless

So that won’t be a problem

I could have knocked him out

Right then

I was so struck by how--

How stupid that was

But he pays

And he pays well

And the checks clear

And I have no idea how

We don’t get any customers

We don’t make any money

And he doesn’t seem to care

Goes around smiling

Sweeping

Even though

There’s nothing to sweep

Jesus

My girlfriend asked me

If this was all a front

For something else

So I went looking in the back once

To see if I could find drugs or anything

But all that was back there

Was a bunch of boxes
With catalogues in them

For barbershop supplies

I get here at 9am every day

One time I was late

And he got all agitated

Like it makes a difference

If I’m late or not

But he wants me on time

So now I’m on time

We put the tv on

Usually sports

Sometimes the news

People walk by

Sometimes they laugh

We get the head pokers

Every so often

But less and less these days

One week

The week before Christmas

He went to his car

And brought us all back gifts

Nice gifts too

Brand new watches

And gift cards

To nice restaurants

One in town
And one right on the border

I said ‘Thank you’

Because I have manners

And I wished him

A Merry Christmas

After that I didn’t mind

Working here so much

It’s not your business

To know everything, you know?

Sometimes you just gotta show up

And make sure

You’re on time