The Glass Menagerie

Most girls have a stage mother
I had a stage father

It would occur to me later in life
That he was a closeted homosexual
But at the time
I just thought he was insane
Although, I will say, a fantastic dresser

He saw the audition notice
That the Orpheus Theater
Was having for The Glass Menagerie
And that was it

I was going

So I went

I auditioned

I got the role of Laura
The young, shy, shut-in

Admittedly, at the time
It was typecasting
At its finest

I was seventeen
As you can see

They let me come back
As my old self

Pretty, right?

I don't know why I was so...

Scared
Of everything

By the time we did the play
I'd never gone on a date
Or gone to a dance
Or kissed a boy

And if you know The Glass Menagerie
You know what that means

My first kiss was going to be onstage

Luckily, the actor playing Jim
Was...

Well, this was 1966
So I guess I'd say he was 'groovy'

God, how did we ever use that word?

Well, he was handsome
And gay

And the boy playing Tom was gay
And they liked each other quite a bit

And I had crushes on both of them
And in my head
I thought it was a love triangle

I guess nobody ever explained
The concept of a triangle to me

The woman playing my mother
Was this old widow
Who had a giant mansion
That the group rehearsed in
Before they got their own space
And she was also one of the theater's biggest donors

She was absolutely bonkers
And I loved her
We all did

It was such a nice experience
From start to finish

I wish I could tell you some awful horror story
To make it a little more interesting
But the truth is
I was so happy
The whole time

The boys would take me out dancing at night
And I'd come home
And tell my father
Rehearsal ran late

He was so happy to live vicariously through me
He didn't care one bit what I did

I bet if he knew I was spending my nights
With two attractive gay boys
It would have brought his vicarious living
To a whole new level

The day of our last show
I cried
And the boys hugged me
And the actress playing my mother
Whose name I can't even remember now
Gave me this beautiful necklace
As a last show present

She didn't have any children of her own
So I think in some ways
She really did think of me
As a daughter

I went home that day
Choosing to skip the cast party
Because I thought...

I thought it would just be too much
To say good-bye anymore
Would just be...

Difficult

So I went home
And my father was sitting in the living room
And he...

He made me come in
And sit down
And told me he was sending me to New York

He thought I did such a great job
In the play
That he simply had to give me a push
And make sure I pursued this
As a career

I informed him
Politely
Because I was still a very polite girl

That he was out of his mind
That I had no intention of going to New York
That I wasn't that talented
That the role had just suited me
That I was never doing theater again
And that I was going to stay right where I was
Finish school
Get married
And have a lovely gay son

I didn't say the last part
Not all of it
But it was what I was hoping for

He was furious with me
But I didn't care
I wouldn't budge

So he tossed me out of the house
And I went to live with the boy who played Jim
For the remainder of the school year
And that boy had a very handsome brother
Who happened to like girls
And we started dating
And after high school was over
We were married
And we had...six daughters

Well, you can't win 'em all, can you?

You know what the funny part about the whole thing is?

Doing theater and loving it
Made me realize
I never wanted to do theater again

After all, how could anything top that experience?

My father eventually forgave me
About five minutes before he came out to me
And, in the very same speech
He told me that he wanted to get into acting

I told him I thought it was a marvelous idea

And I wished him the best of luck

Although in my head
I remember thinking
That I wasn't sure he had
What it takes