The Zoo Story

They imported me from Atlanta
Because a friend of a friend
Told Beau that I was dynamite
And I think Beau liked the idea
Of having a real Southern vixen
In his little acting company

He brought me up
To do a production of The Zoo Story
With two women instead of two men

He did NOT have permission to do this
To change the genders
But Beau always did
Whatever he wanted to do
And when it was a little up-and-coming theater
That was okay
Because who really cared
But once the place got bigger...

There were legal issues
Although I'm not here
To talk about those

Anyway, he brought me up
And the show was going to be me
And his wife
In the two roles
And they were going to open
Their fourth season with it

I was staying at Beau's house
Because the theater couldn't afford
To put me up anywhere

I'm lucky they paid for my plane ticket
I half expected them to put me on a chicken truck
Or throw me on a moving train

The other actresses in the company
Did not like having me there
An outsider
Taking a lead role from them

That fear of fresh blood
Was ingrained in the company from the beginning
And from what I hear
It's still running strong
All these years later

That company is harder to get into
Than an unsteamed clam

Anyway, I was only dealing with Beau
Because he was directing the play
And his wife
Who was nice enough
And at night we'd all go home
And play with his son
Who was the cutest little thing

The play isn't all that fun to work on
But overall, we were having a good time
The three of us

His wife wasn't jealous of me
Not at all
In fact
We became fast friends

I just liked her, you know
I just did
Right from the start

And I liked Beau too, but Beau...

He was hard to like
Most of the time

Anyway, one night we're all back from a late rehearsal
And you'd think we'd be sick of the sight of each other
After all that work
But I was really good back then
At separating work and play

So Beau and his wife put the baby to bed
And we were down in the living room
Having drinks
Talking
Beau going on about his big plans
For the theater
And more drinking
And, uh...some other stuff haha

Just having fun

And we were being silly
Me and the wife
'Cause it got Beau riled up
And one thing led to another
And next thing I know
I'm...well, we're uh...

Kissing

I started kissing her
And she kissed me back
And then Beau got involved
And before long...

We had a real party going on

Hahahaha I'm sorry it's just...

Anyway

Sorry

I enjoyed it

I'll say that

I enjoyed it very much

I found his wife to be...

She was...stunning

The show opened
We were a hit
A huge hit
Beau kept running that show
And running it
Because the people kept coming
And we were so proud

And we never talked about what happened that night
But we were all so much closer after it

Like a family, you know?

So when I found out
I was pregnant
I...

I didn't worry
Or panic
Because I just thought...

I went and told Beau
And his wife
Who, at this point
I loved very much

And I wasn't that young at the time
So I don't know why I was stupid enough to think this
But I really thought--

I really thought they'd be happy

That they'd say
Great
Move in
Have the baby
We'll all be one big happy family

So when they...

When they were upset about it
And...Beau went out
He left the house

He usually left his wife
To deal with personal stuff
He wasn't too good with personal stuff
Or people for that matter

She, uh, she told me I needed to have it
Taken care of

The baby

And I said 'No'

I think I slapped her too
But that might just be selective memory
Making it all a little more dramatic
I am Southern, you know

I said 'No' though
I'm sure of that
Because I didn't believe in having babies killed

I was a good Christian

A good Christian
Who had group sex with married couples
But still, a good Christian
All the same

So I said 'No'
And I left for the theater

That night, Beau's wife arrived at the dressing room
All apologetic
And sad
And could I forgive her
And of course I'd have the baby
And we'd all raise it together
And she...

And she loved me
And we were all going to be
So happy

And I was thrilled
Really thrilled

And she said 'We should toast'

Back then you could drink up until the baby started crowning

So she got two glasses
And this bottle of wine
And we toasted

Then we went out onstage
And we did the show

Then afterwards, I was packing up my stuff
And I felt..

Something was wrong

So I took a taxi to the hospital
And by the time I got there
I was already bleeding
Down there

And the bleeding didn't stop

There was no question I was going to lose the baby
But when I realized that I was going to die too
Well, that was...

That was quite a shock

At 2:04am, I expired
As they say

Far, far from the home I loved

I don't feel bad about me dying
But I do wish that baby had survived
Even though at that point
It barely existed at all

Now, I don't like to go around
Throwing accusations here and there
But I would like to say this:

The wine tasted funny

I didn't think much of it at the time
Because I was so delirious with joy
But that wine Beau's wife served me
Backstage in our dressing room?

Something was in that wine

And that night when she said good-bye to me
Well, normally we'd go back together
After a post-show meal
But that night she said she had to get back quick
And would I be all right walking back to the house from the theater
And she hugged me and it just...

It seemed like a good-bye

Looking back on it
That's exactly how it seemed

Of course looking back on anything
When you're dead
Is dangerous

Everything seems so...suspicious

If there's one prevailing trait to the deceased
It's paranoia

Of course some people just don't give a damn

I suppose I could be one of those people too
If it weren't for my child...

Beau was a bastard
I see that now
But his wife...

She was the one holding up the house

Making sure nobody got in his way

It wasn't that there'd be a scandal
Me moving into the house
Having a baby with Beau
The lot of us living together

They didn't care about scandal
Hell, we all lived for scandal back then

The problem is
It would have slowed Beau down

And he couldn't have that

I don't think they meant to kill me
Just get rid of the baby

Maybe they put too much of whatever they poisoned me with
Into the wine

Who can say?

Who can say anything really?

If I start to think about it
It just breaks my heart

So I try not to think about it

But let me say this

Whatever anybody tells you
About Beau or his wife
Or that theater
Or how wonderful everything was
Back then
Remember this:

There's blood in that theater

My blood
My baby's
And a whole bunch of other people
You may never even know about

That theater is covered in blood

And no place stays up forever
When blood's pulling it down