Practical Reasons for Liking Boys

I have to say, Scott

I have to say that I didn't want

I didn't want to say this

Not so forwardly

But I have been elected

Chosen, you could say

Amongst everyone we know

To discuss with you

A solution we've come up with

For your...

For your problem

What?

What problem?

Please, Scott

Let's not joke

There's so little time in life

As it is

Do you want some coffee?

I made coffee

Do you like coffee?

I feel there's so little I know about you, Scott

So little I've ever tried to know

We've decided

We've all decided

That it's time for your life to turn

To turn in a more...

Progressive direction

We've decided

That you should like boys

Now, before you say anything

Let's keep some things in mind

One, being gay is not a choice

I'm not talking about being gay

You either are gay, or you're not

And I'm aware, that you're not

But I'm also aware

That when you only like Sprite

And the market's out of Sprite

You buy whatever soda they have

It's time to buy some new soda, Scott

Two, you've never, and we're really saying 'never' here

Meaning 'never' as in 'never'

Had a successful relationship with a woman

Let's be practical about this, Scott

If it hasn't happened by now

It just ain't gonna happen

Three, boys seem to like you

The last time I brought you to Romeo

When I didn't tell you where you going

And you just thought we were in a really nice place

Where guys buy other guys drinks

You were a huge hit

You can be a huge hit again, Scott

It's possible

Isn't that an uplifting thought?

. . . . .

I know that it's harder than it sounds

But sometimes in life

You have to make bold choices

Women don't like you

They just don't

I don't know why

You seem like a nice guy

It might just be their gender

But you can't fight City Hall

...Or half the planet, for that matter

So I say, go with the flow

And the flow is mano e mano, Scott

It's time commit

To a new way of life

It's time to choose the life that can't be chosen

Really

It's for the best