Anybody got a phone?
Anybody?
A phone?
Cause this bitch
Is gonna need a phone
In about five seconds
This little trash basket
Is gonna need to call Jesus
So I hope somebody has a phone
She's been running her nasty ass
All up and down the boulevard
Like she's saying good-bye to Hollywood
And Hollywood keeps telling her
To GO already
She needs to be healed
She needs a miracle
She needs the Virgin Mary in teakwood
Or shit like that
She needs St. Bernard
To come slobber on her face
Cause she's nasssssssssty
I don't have it in me to help her
I don't have the time
I don't have the patience
I don't have a stick big enough
To slap the stupid out of her
So she needs to call Jesus
She needs to get him on the phone
And ask him to come pick her up
Because she is lowdown grisly
She's been hurting her friends
She's been hurting her mama
She's been hurting herself
And she'd have tried to hurt me
If I hadn't broken her thumb
When she tried it
I broke it because I love you
You dumb bitch
Now stop crying
You're getting my sofa wet
I can't have this anymore
I can't have all this unpleasantness
Laying around my house
Eating my good cookies
From the nice bakery
With the smiley faces
She's filled with desire
And with my fresh-baked donuts
And with evil thoughts
And evil intentions
So she needs something
She needs a nice something
A nice man with a car
Who can come along
And take her somewhere
Where I can't get at her
When I find out
How many of my shoes
She's been trying on
Except every man that shows up here
Smells like a dead giraffe
And cleans out my candy jar
So the only man coming to this house anymore
Is gonna have to be Jesus
So somebody better call him
Better call him up and tell him
That his newest project is sitting right here
Right on my sofa
Drunk like a little nasty ass leprechaun
And waiting to be collected
Somebody better call Jesus
And tell him she's here
And tell him when he gets here
He better not talk to me
Because I'm not too thrilled at him
Trying to pass off his nasty jobs
On me
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