Why He Dates The Whale

I didn't get it

Not at first

I was so frustrated

So terribly frustrated

It infuriated me

It really did

Jonah and Walt

Or as we called them

--Jonah and The Whale

I didn't like that nickname

I don't like being mean

But the truth is

Jonah is such a fuck

I mean, he really is

He takes a perfectly good verb

And nouns it

He's a fuck

And The Whale--

I mean Walt

Is just lovely

I mean, he's hideous

But lovely

In a polite sort of way

They've been together

Ready?

Are you ready?

SEVEN YEARS

And I didn't really understand

The whole thing

Nothing about it made sense

I kept thinking--

Where does Jonah get off

Being that obnoxious and--

I mean, the only word you can use--

It's just--

He acts like someone

Who should have...

A hot boyfriend

You know?

Like how can you have...Walt

And act like that?

And Walt--

He's stuck with Jonah

Which can't be fun

But at least, you know

You can...

You can understand

You know?

But Jonah...

So I was frustrated

And then it hit me

It actually hit me

I mean, Jonah hit me

He hit me

Because he meant to hit Walt

And I walked in front of him

Apparently

He was going to hit Walt

Because he told Walt

To do something

And Walt said no

And Jonah...

...Was going to hit him

And instead

Hit me

Isn't that fucked up?

I mean, not the part about me

That hurt, but it wasn't fucked up

But the other shit

That's like...abuse

Isn't that fucked?

I mean, he's a fuck

He's truly a fuck

But at that moment

I got it

He dates Walt

Because another guy

A better looking guy

A guy who's had confidence

Poured into him

His whole life

Who's been told he's worth something

Who's been truly loved by someone

Who's had someone give him all of themselves

And not ask for anything back...

That guy would knock Jonah's fucking teeth out

That's why he dates the Whale

That's why

Isn't that fucked up?

I mean

That's really

Fucked up