I Like Crazy People

-- I realized that the upcoming monologue show didn't have the equivalent of an opening number. So here it is, my opening number. --

"I Like Crazy People"

This is going to sound crazy

Do you know what my favorite opening was
For a television show?

The Cosby Show

I loved that the beginning of every show
Was him dancing with his family

I used to think--

Wow, what a great way to introduce yourself to people
What a great way to meet characters
Great, just great

And I thought
Well, I still think

That should be how you meet people in real life

When you first meet someone
They should have to dance with you

'Hi, I'm Kevin'
'Hi, I'm Lucinda.'

Then 'Love Train' comes on
And we just break it down

Imagine how many more people you would meet
And take to instantly
If you had to dance with them
RIght away

And not have to wait until a wedding
Or a barn-raising

Imagine how comfortable you would feel around each other
Because let's face it
Everybody looks stupid dancing

Oh, sure
Not professional dancers
But who ever meets them?

I'm talking people who do the robot
I'm talking people who do the grocery cart
I'm talking people who do the microwave

How can you dislike people like that?
How can you lie to people like that?
How can you not have fun with people like that?

You will never want to forgive someone who has wronged you more
Than when you're dancing with them

Dancing just has this way
Of making you want to let go of everything
And just do it
Just do the funky chicken

I know it sounds crazy
I know anybody who dances with you
Upon first meeting you
Would have to be crazy

But you know what?

I like crazy people

Because crazy people give you stories
Because crazy people make you laugh
Because crazy people give you catchphrases
That you can repeat over and over again with your friends
When you're at a party or drunk
Or both!

Sometimes I meet couples
Where neither person is crazy
And I just wonder--

How do they do it?
How do they stand it?

Can't you just imagine all the awkward silences?

'How was work?'
'Good. How was your day.'
'Fine.'

. . . . .

'I clipped coupons.'
'I DVRed House.'
'Mmm...'
'Yup.'

And we don't call THAT crazy?
Does that make sense?

Doesn't this sound better--

'How was work today?'
'I didn't go to work. I went down a hill in a supermarket cart.'
'That's nice. I adopted a capuchen monkey.'

I mean, doesn't that just sound BETTER?

Maybe this sounds crazy

But I love deranged housewives sitting in traffic screaming on their cell phones
I love manipulative elementary school students who create coups during recess
I love men who play with model trains!

I pray everyday
To be surrounded by insanity

Loud crazy people
Who aren't afraid to dance