Theresa, I'm going to give you some bad advice.
Good advice you can get anywhere
You want good advice?
Write to Ann Landers.
She's dead
But I'm sure she'll be happy to get the letter
After all, nobody writes to dead columnists
I know you love Crash
I still don't really believe that's his name
But I believe you love him
I know you've been considering leaving school
I know you've been thinking of dropping out
And running away with him
On that little deathtrap
He calls a motorcycle
And I just want to say--
Go for it!
I know, I know
Not what you expect to hear
From your teacher
But why tell you
What everybody else already is?
You need to live a little
I did everything everyone told me to do my whole life
And look where it got me
In a job I love
Working with girls I adore
Learning new things every day
Like the fact that Social Services doesn't take your baby away
When you name him Crash
I think you should go against the grain
Hop on that motorcycle
And ride off to an exotic location
Like...Delaware...or...Raleigh...
You won't be able to go anywhere TOO exotic
Because Crash will have to work, after all
Oh wait, what am I saying?
You love him
Who cares if he works?
Hahaha...
YOU can work
After all, that's what you do
When you love a man
Who considers picking scabs off his knees
A full-time job?
You are going to make SUCH a great waitress
Or a maid in a hotel
Like Jennifer Lopez
In Maid in Manhattan!
(Except without the love story with Ralph Fiennes
After all, you'll be spoken for)
You won't have a high school degree
But you can get that WHENEVER!
Life has to be lived now
A big, loving, messy
Unemployed, stress-filled life!
And just think, it'll only be a matter of time
Before the pitter patter of little feet are heard
All over your tiny, one-bedroom, claustrophobic apartment
Did I say 'claustrophobic?'
I meant 'cozy.'
And I say 'pitter patter' because juddging from Crash's feet
He has some sort of genetic problem
That will probably be passed on to any offspring you may have
Along with the ADHD and bad skin
But you'll love them anyway!
Just like you love him
So go, Theresa
Don't let naysayers nay in your way
Go be with the man you love
After all, if you don't love him
Who will?
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