They came on a Thursday night
They camped out
Outside the zoo
When Nick got there Friday morning
They were waiting with posters
And presents
And sick children that needed kissing
They were all there to see Polly the Panda
Because she was their new goddess
They were the Church of the Panda
And they formed when they learned
That the Messiah was coming
In the form of a baby panda
That would be birthed by Mother Polly
Or, as Charlie called them--
'Assholes'
Deena thought it was sweet
That Polly had a fan club
'They're not a fan club, Deena,' said Charlie, 'They're a cult'
'You say tomato...'
Unfortunately, there was nothing the zoo could do
To keep them away from Polly's pen
As long as they didn't disturb her
They would sit there and try to get her to come over
So that she could lay paws on them
And cast them into Heaven
Instead she learned to pick up her food
And throw half of it at them
They considered these precious gifts
And they put them in boxes made of velvet
And swore to never let them see light
Until the Messiah said it was time
Deena would sit with Polly and watch them
As they took their daily nap
Between four and seven
When the Head Panda Priest said it would be most appropriate
To hear Mother Polly's secret thoughts
'She will tell us whether or not it will rain tomorrow!'
Deena would tell them to check the weather channel
But television went against their beliefs
Since there was no Panda Channel
'They sure do love you, Polly,' said Deena
'I wish someone love me that way.'
Polly loves Deena that way
She wants to raise Deena
To have better manners
And less trust of men
Polly doesn't trust men
But she got pregnant anyway
What a cruel joke
Deena offers Polly some of her peanut M&M's
But Polly doesn't believe they'd be good for the Messiah
So she shakes her head
Deena starts to cry
Because soon her shift is over
And she has to go back to her apartment
The one that's been empty since Todd left
Because Deena threw up the last time they...
Polly feels bad, and even though she's not prone to affection
She nuzzles Deena
And Deena goes against policy
And gives the panda a hug
A little boy in the Church of the Panda who had trouble sleeping
Wanders out of his wigwam
And notices what is happening
He starts to scream--
"That woman!"
Pointing to Deena
"She is blessed! Mother Polly blesses her!"
Deena looks up
Sees the members of the church coming out of their tents
And looking at her with awe
It is the only time in her life
She can ever remember
Being envied
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