The King's Lunch

Servants, young and old
You all know that I hate to complain
But there were significant, uh, issues
With the royal lunch today

No, no, it wasn't cold
It was quite hot, in fact
No, the temperature wasn't the issue
The issue was, well--

The choice of ingredients

For one thing
I'm not sure why you all seem to think
I have such exotic tastes
But I beseech you

Please, no more pheasant

Contrary to your assertions
Pheasant does not taste like chicken
It tastes like pheasant
And pheasant
Tastes like donkey kidney

I should know
Because you continue to serve me donkey kidney
Every other Thursday
And every other Thursday
I regurgitate what you've served me
Into the nearest vase
Where, I believe, it sits for two weeks
Until one of you fishes it out
And serves it to me again

I'll admit, it was better than warthog hearts
Or turtle tail
And why is it that when you DO serve me something normal
You find a way to do something to it
That makes it inedible

If you're going to serve steak
You don't marinate it
In its mother's shame blood

And please stop making chocolate cake with nuts
Why must nuts go on everything?
I'm not allergic to them, per se
I just don't find them that appealing

I know that the old king
Had odd taste in...food

...Among other things

I'm still not exactly sure
What that trapeze is for in my chambers

But I'm a more easy-going king
A kinder king
A king who doesn't enjoy
Eating rabbit
While the rabbit is still alive

So from now on
Feel free to keep the meals simple

For your own sakes, as well

I'm sure that goat
Put up quite a struggle

Let's just do things the old-fashioned way, shall we?

Oh, and by the way
I feel a headache coming on
So if you could fetch the doctor
For my afternoon bleeding
An hour or so early
I'd be ever so grateful

I'm glad you're all onboard
With my new culinary plans

I just like keeping things
Modern