Justin Bieber Explains Music to John and Paul

     (JUSTIN BIEBER is in a boat fishing with JOHN LENNON and PAUL MCCARTNEY.  JOHN and PAUL aren't really fishing, just drinking beer and strumming on ukeleles.  JUSTIN seems really focused on catching something.)

JUSTIN: Nothing's biting today.

PAUL:  You want to put down the fishing pole and write some music with us right now?  Seems better than talking about it all day long.

JUSTIN:  We're here to fish.

PAUL:  Sometimes you go to fish and you catch a song instead.

JOHN:  Or you get drunk.

PAUL:  Or you get drunk, right.

JUSTIN:  I told you guys.  Today is about learning, not about music.  You gotta walk before you can run.  Now what kind of music are you interested in?

JOHN:  There aren't 'kinds' of music.  Just music.

JUSTIN:  Okay, well that's just stupid.  That's like saying there aren't 'kind's of ice cream.

JOHN:  There aren't.  If it makes you feel good, it's music.  If it makes you feel good, it's ice cream.

PAUL:  That could be a song.  If it makes you--

JUSTIN:  Whoa, whoa, whoa.  Don't go writing anything.  I let you bring those ukeleles, but I'll throw them overboard if you guys start getting ahead of yourselves.

JOHN:  Sometimes you just have to dive in, man.

JUSTIN:  Well yeah, if I throw your ukeleles into the lake you will.

PAUL:  When do you usually write your music?

JUSTIN:  Well...it's...if I'm...like...at night.

JOHN:  What sort of stuff do you write?

JUSTIN:  I write a lot about...girls--a girl.  You know, whatever girl I'm--and sometimes things that are bothering me, I'll write about that kinda thing.

JOHN:  Injustice?

PAUL:  The unsung heroes?

JUSTIN:  Yeah, a lot of those--kinds of songs.

JOHN:  Sing something for us.

JUSTIN:  I really can't.  I mean, not unless you're going to pay me.

PAUL:  What if you just recite it?

JUSTIN:  Huh?

PAUL:  Music is poetry, wouldn't you say?  And you recite poetry, don't you?

JUSTIN:  Oh my God, constantly.  I'm always reciting poetry.  You know that book about the cat?  And the kids?  And the talking fish?  I'm always saying that one and going 'Whoa, it's crazy how much this applies to my life.'

JOHN:  Are you talking about the Cat in the Bloody Hat?

JUSTIN:  Uh...no, there's...another one.

PAUL:  Just say some of your stuff for us, mate.

JOHN:  Anything at all.

PAUL:  How else are we going to learn?

JUSTIN:  Okay, okay, um...

     (He clears his throat.)

You know you love me, I know you care
Just shout whenever, and I'll be there
You are my love, you are my heart
And we will never, ever, ever be apart

Are we an item? Girl, quit playin'
'We're just friends,' what are you sayin'?
Said 'there's another,' and looked right in my eyes
My first love broke my heart for the first time

PAUL:  That's not half bad.

JOHN:  I like the part where he tells her to quit playin'.  I've said that before.

PAUL:  Very universal.

JOHN:  Very.

PAUL:  Very.

JUSTIN:  Yeah, so that's pretty much it.

PAUL:  What about the chorus?

JUSTIN:  What?

PAUL:  Is there a chorus?

JOHN:  Do you not have a chorus?

JUSTIN:  I mean, I have a chorus, but--a chorus is a chorus, right?

JOHN:  But I want to find out what happens.  Did she quit playin'?

PAUL:  Just rattle it off for us.

JUSTIN:  Uh, well, it goes, uh...

Remember to let her into your heart

 

PAUL:  No, that's my song.

 

JUSTIN:  You wrote that?

 

PAUL:  Yeah.

 

JUSTIN:  Damn, that's really good.

 

PAUL:  Thanks.

 

JOHN:  How does yours go?

 

JUSTIN:  Uh, oh right, mine, um, it's...it goes...

 

And I was like baby, baby, baby............Oh
Like baby, baby, baby............................No
Like baby, baby, baby............................Oh
I thought you'd always be mine.............Mine

     (A beat.)

PAUL/JOHN:  Well, that was interesting./They play that on the radio?

JUSTIN:  It's...I mean, it has meaning to...you know, if you relate to...the kids like it.

JOHN:  What's the song called?

JUSTIN:  ...Baby.

JOHN:  So...all right.

PAUL:  You know, Justin's right, if we're going to fish, we might as well fish.

JUSTIN:  Yeah, let's get back to that.

     (JOHN and PAUL pick up their poles.  A moment goes by.)

JOHN:  Is the second verse any--

PAUL:  John, leave it alone.

JOHN:  All right, all right.

     (JOHN starts humming 'Baby.')

JOHN:  It is catchy, I'll give you that.

JUSTIN:  Thank you.

JOHN:  Very catchy.

     (He continues to hum, as they all wait for something to bite.)