Watching My Sister Break Up With Boys

When I was younger

I used to sit at my window
And watch my sister

Break up with her boyfriends

My bedroom window

Faced the driveway

And I would watch the cars pull up

Driven by various boys

And my sister would get out

And I’d know

That it was over

For whatever boy

Was leaning on the wheel

They all took it different ways

Some would cry

Most would scream

One guy got out of the car

And stood in front of my sister

Just stood in front of her

Staring at her

Until he finally got on his knees

And pressed his head against our driveway

His entire body trembling

With something I couldn’t make out

I was ten

And I thought

That’s how I want to be

I want boys shaking

On pavement for me

My sister would quietly into the house

Trying not to wake up
Our parents

While I crept into the kitchen

And watched her make herself

A bowl of Rice Krispies

She’d pretend not to notice me at first

And then she’d push out a chair

And I’d go sit next to her

While I waited for her

To tell me the story

Of the boy

Whose heart

Just got broken

Sometimes she’d laugh about it

Sometimes I could tell she felt bad

Sometimes she’d let me have some of her cereal

And then she’d walk me back to my room

Like we were walking along a street in a city

Just two girls

Finishing up their night

My sister looked like the cover of a book

But the book wasn’t easy to read

And it was written in a language

Not many people understood

Last year for Christmas

I showed up with my daughter

And my sister was sitting by the fire

Drinking a glass of wine

And staring at the smoke

‘Go give Auntie a hug,’ I said

To my little girl

My sister had already been through one divorce

And now she was going through another

She never could teach people how to read her

How to crack the cover

And settle in

Not everybody wants to work that hard

Not everybody knows how

My little girl walked over to her aunt

And lifted her arms up

The way she does

When she wants you to pick her up

I saw my sister smile at her little niece

A girl who I can already tell

Has a lot more of my sister in her

Than me

My daughter makes you work for it

Her love, her affection—everything

She doesn’t care how cute you are

Or how many boys you left broken

In the driveway

My sister laughed

Picked up my girl
And put her right on her lap

My daughter squeezed her

And I could see some of the smoke

Wash out of my sister’s eyes

It’s not always easy

To figure out how to love somebody

Sometimes it takes years

Sometimes you never figure it out

But my sister looks at my daughter

Like I used to look out my bedroom window

And I’m glad

I’m glad she’s finally got somebody

She can figure out