I Tell God You're Here

I tell God you’re here

God asks

If you’ve murdered anybody

And I say--

I don’t know

I just know they’re here

Some people are scared

Of talking back to God

But I’m not

I was given a job

And I was given it

By God

So if God doesn’t like

What I have to say

God can find

Somebody else to say it

And I’ll go back

To sitting on a porch

Dripping lemonade

With Ben Franklin

Well, I don’t know

If he was really Ben Franklin

But he sure as hell

Knows how to fly a kite

So you show up

And I say--

God, they’re here

And God wants to know

If you’ve murdered anybody

And I say--

Why don’t you just ask them yourself?

Because I’m not here

To be some sort of

Middleman

I’m not interested

In vetting anybody

That’s not my job

That’s not something

I know how to do

God wants to know

If you’ve got any

Outstanding parking tickets

I roll my eyes at that one

Because if murderers

Can get all the way

To God’s door

Then who the hell cares

If you’ve got parking tickets

God cares, I guess

God wants to know

If you liked science fiction movies

If you were interested in astrological signs

If you owned a telescope

God has a thing

About stars

And people

Who invest in them

And I’m not one of those people

And I have no interest

In those people

Although my nephew

Did name a constellation after me

Two years after I died

And that was nice

That was really nice

But none of that matters

To you

And you don’t matter to me

And we both matter to God

But God’s job isn’t to shut you out

Or usher you in

God’s just there

And you’re here

And my job

Is to tell God

You’re here

I don’t ask anything

I don’t quiz

I don’t care

What the hell you did

When you were alive

That’s none of my business

And, if you want my opinion,

It’s none of God’s business either

You’re standing here

At the gates

And God wants to know

A few things about you

Before you’re welcomed

Into Paradise

And I just think--

And this is just me

--I think if you made it this far

Then you should be all set

A sinner and a saint

Look the same

At the gate

That’s how I put it

And that’s how I put it to God

When I tell God

You’re here

And sometimes I hold you hand

And sometimes I hold God’s hand

And sometimes I hold your hand

And God’s hand

Because I have two hands

So why not?

Why not?

Everybody needs their hand held

Every now and again

So I don’t mind

Between you and me?

I don’t mind that

At all