A Backwards Baseball Cap Will Make You a Man

A backwards baseball cap

Will make you a man

Do not try courage

Do not try bravery

Do not try to build a cabin

Somewhere in the depths

Of the nearest forest

Just put on a baseball cap

But put it on backwards

If you put it on the right way

You are a baseball player

Which does, in some way,

Make you a man

But people might expect you

To play baseball

And play it well

For if you do not play it well

You may not be a man

Make sure the cap

Is slightly dirty

Or it will imply

That you a fussy man

And a man who is fussy

May not be a man at all

A pristine cap

Indicates that you care

About things like cleanliness

And while modern magazines

Will tell you

That men today

Can be interested in hygiene

And the care of their clothing

We real men understand

That dirt is in our blood

Which is why we die

At such young ages

Dying old is not manly

Long living is not manly

If you see one of your grandchildren

Graduate from college

You have failed all of manhood

Take your cap

Strap it to your foot

And walk through mood in it

Then put it on your head

Your unclean head

Your head which has never seen shampoo

That is not Head ‘n Shoulders

Or something else medicinal

And in no way pleasant smelling

Adjust it with your rough hands

Hands that have worked

Hands that have clenched into fists

More times than you can remember

Hands that have grabbed women

And held them close

And explained to them

That they do not know

The things

They think they know

When you get home

And only when you get home

You may take off your baseball cap

And put it next to your hundred-year-old wallet

That will never be replaced by a money clip

For you are not some city boy

You want leather on your person

A leather wallet

Leather boots

Leather stuck between your teeth

Because you had a piece of it

For lunch

Along with a plate of cow tongue

Sauced with the blood of your enemies

You want a wife

Who fixes you a meal like that

And works part-time

As a medical receptionist

So she can spend her own money

On make-up and granola bars

You want children

Who speak seven words to you a week

And who will one day

Care for you

Solely because were it not for you

They would not exist

And if not for your detached approach

To parenting

They would be felons and fools

Susceptible to con artists

And multi-level marketing schemes

When your son, who you will have,

Because men have sons,

When he, your son, a young man,

A man-in-training,

Becomes of age (7 ½)

You will place, for the first time,

A baseball cap on his head

And then spin it around

Roughly

So it sits firmly

The wrong way

Your son will try to turn it right

And you will stop him

It will not be the first time

You show him

That what feels right isn’t

But the first time

Is always

The most

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