The Man at the Front of the Plane

The man at the front

Of the plan

Didn't know who I was

I walked by him

And we locked eyes

And there was a chance there

To say something

To each other

But he didn’t remember me

And I didn’t know

What I would say to him

While moving towards the back

Away from his first class seat

My bag banging into

Every seat along the way

And a dozen or so

People behind me

I got to my seat

An aisle

I always take the aisle

And I store my bag

Sit down

Close my eyes

And think about the fact

That I am about to be on a flight

A six-hour flight

Closer to the love of my life

Than I have been

In almost eight years

And we’re not going to talk

I’m not going to get up

And walk down the aisle

When the seatbelt light turns off

And strike up a conversation

Risking the wrath of the flight attendant

For daring to cross the first-class barrier

The interesting part about this

For me

Is that I can afford

To be in first-class

And I’m fairly certain

He can’t

And in some ways

That is very, uh, indicative

Of our relationship, as it was

He always cared

About appearing to be better off

Than he was

And I didn’t care about

How I appeared

Because I grew up

Feeling very comfortable

In who I was

The final straw for us

Was the day he came home

Driving a brand new car

‘You can’t afford that,’ I said

Stating the obvious

And he looked so wounded

That I would dare bring up

That he was lacking in any way

But particularly in that way

Financially

Not able to give himself

The things he wanted

Regardless of how extravagant

They might be

Then I made the additional mistake

Seeing that he was wounded

Of saying--

‘If you really want a car

I can buy you a car’

That was the falling off point

He got quiet

The fight went from an explosion

To an implosion

And two weeks later

He moved out

I don’t feel bad about any of that

Because I’m not going to feel bad

About making more money

Than the man I was with

And I’m certainly not going to regret

A relationship falling apart

When it fell apart because the man

Had a loose grip on reality

Which is what that is

I mean, financial reality

Is still reality

And I don’t blame someone

For being sensitive

To their financial state

But if you’re going to love me

And I’m going to love you back

Then at some point

Those financial roads

Are going to collide

And I’m fine with that

Provided you don’t define yourself

By your bank account

Because that’s how both of you

Wind up with nothing

And so now I have this seat

This cramped seat

On the aisle

And he’s in first-class

And when I passed him

And we locked eyes

There was this charge

And in that charge

Was an acknowledgement

Because I would never shame anyone

For what they have

Or don’t have

But without being able to help myself

I kind of smirked at him

As if to say--

‘You don’t belong here, do you?’

I couldn’t help it

It just happened

It’s funny how I still think of him

As the love of my life

And yet I know

That any continued interaction

Between us

Would have resulted

In a kind of continual hurt

That would have damaged us both

In ways we never could have recovered from

The plane takes off

The fasten seatbelts light is turned off

And I stay right

Where I am