I'm Gay, I Don't Like Eggs

Jeff, there are things I don't like
Because I'm gay

For one thing,
I don't like eggs

They're just too...

I don't know

I don't want to say 'straight'

But yeah, they're too straight for me

I feel weird when I eat them
Like the eggs are pressuring me
To have sex with women

So I just avoid them altogether

It's nothing against you
Or your kitchen
Or your grocer
Or your chicken, if you have one
Or your hetero-based culture that forces me to feel inferior

It's really just about the eggs

I also don't like barbecue sauce

Because it reminds me of how much I let down my father
By not engaging in intercourse with women

He loved barbecue sauce
So you see
It's really not the barbecue sauce's fault
It's just that my dad found it enjoyable
And he always gives me the impression
When he's hugging me
That he's disappointed in my life choices

It's all his grip, you see

So no, I don't like barbecue sauce

I'm also not a fan of pumpkins, sesame seed bagels, apple crisps, kosher pickles, regular pickles, thyme (the herb, not the concept), drumsticks (the food, not the instrumental tool), Cornish game hen, or arugula

It's just who I am
And I'd appreciate it
If you respect that