Nina the Pink Elephant

What a lovely party

Isn’t this a lovely party?

I’m so glad Faith invited me

I’m so glad to be here

Then again, I’m glad to be anywhere

Especially since I’m dead

But here’s a particularly nice place to be

Oh, I hope I didn’t shock you by mentioning that I’m dead

Don’t worry

It’s not like it defines my life

You see—

When an elephant dies

It's given a choice

Perhaps it's the same for humans

I really wouldn't know

There's a darkness

And then a light

And then a question is posed to you

'How would you like to spend the rest of your life?'

Perhaps I should start from the beginning…

I once lived in a beautiful village

With my husband Walter

We had a wonderful life

But we wanted a child

And we were going to have one and then…

We weren’t

We lost it—the child, I mean, it…

It never came

It's strange to talk about it

And I feel bad

I feel bad talking about it at a party atmosphere

Such as this one

Where there are such lovely h'ordeuvres

But at the same time

It took up such a large portion of my life

I feel like I have nothing else to talk about

Especially since I never was allowed to talk about it

We tried to have other babies

But I couldn’t

I just couldn’t

And Walter would say--It's fine, it's fine

He'd say, It's the stress from the poachers taking your sister

And admittedly, the stress didn’t help

And I did miss my sister

But the other elephants were having calves

And they had all lost family members to the poachers

Eventually I realized I had to do something

Something drastic

An elephant has to have more elephants

That’s just the way things are

It was seeing Walter make eyes at Jennifer

The prettiest elephant in our group

That made my decision for me

I knew what he was thinking

If I couldn't have a baby for him

Then someone had to

He would keep me on as a wife

But I wouldn't be the mother to his calf

And I knew what that life was like

My father had a wife that couldn’t have babies

Before he married my mother

His first wife, Sarah

Would follow behind us when we went anywhere

With her eyes downcast

And her trunk dragging along the ground

I wasn't going to be like Sarah

I knew I could have a baby

If I could just feel safe about it

That's why I did what I did

. . . . .

I knew they were staying in the village

To the west of the watering hole

The men with cameras

The scouting expedition

That's what the monkeys told us they were

They were here from a place in the States

Where they put elephants in nice, large pens

Designed to simulate life in the wild

But without the dangers

If you got to go there

You could spend the rest of your life

Being content

Being fed

Being taken care of

And what they loved more than anything

Was helping animals have children

Because in the States

They love baby animals

I'd mention to Walter the idea

Of walking near the village

To see if we could get them to take us

But he said I was crazy

'A pen in the States?  You mean a cage?  That's what you want for us, Nina?  For our baby?'

He walked away from me--disgusted

I told myself he was against the idea

Because he wanted to be with Jennifer, the pretty elephant

Because he'd given up on us

I thought that if he was forced to be with me

If we traveled together to the States

And they helped us have a child

That things would be better

So that night

When everyone else was asleep

I went to the village

I had to make sure they didn't take just me

But Walter

I didn't want to go to America by myself

So I ran

I ran into the village

Because I wanted them to wake up

I wanted them to see me

And then…

Follow me back

To where Walter was

And the men and women came out of their huts

And screamed

Thinking I was mad

I tried to see if I could pick out the Americans

I thought they would look different

I wanted them to follow me back home

So they could see me and Walter together

So they could see how perfect our baby would be

For their place with the simulated jungle

And the daily feedings

And the children on zoo trips!

When I felt that people were chasing me

I ran back  to Walter as fast as I could go

When I reached the others

Some of the elephants were already awake

Hearing the commotion coming from the village

I saw Walter coming towards me

He'd been worried, I could tell

When he woke up and I wasn't there

He did miss me

He loved me

He was scared for me

That was when I heard the shot

And Walter fell

And he didn’t get up

. . . . .

Some of the elephants got away

Jennifer was one of them, I think

I thought I saw her running back into the jungle

As the shots were going off

I didn't try to run

I just sat by Walter

I just waited

When an elephant dies

It's given a choice

Perhaps it's the same for humans

I really wouldn't know

There's a darkness

And then a light

And then a question is posed to you

'How would you like to spend the rest of your life?'

Because, you see

There's a life on earth

And a life beyond it

I had thrown away my life on earth

And I had ended the lives of others unnecessarily

Because of my own fear and selfishness

So when I saw the light

I saw Walter

And our child

And all the children we would have had

I even saw Sarah

And my sister

The one taken by the poachers

And I could have chosen to stay there

With the ones I loved

But I knew I had to make up

For what I had done

And I remembered my mother

Telling me the story of Atlas

The man who held the world on his shoulders

And I remember admiring him

For his strength

And for taking on so much responsibility

For holding up all the world's pain

So when the question was posed--

'How would you like to spend the rest of your life?'

I remember answering--'Like Atlas.  I'd like to hold up the world.'

. . . . .

Now I'm so many places

Including the bedroom of a little girl named Faith

Whose parents are fighting down in the living room

We don’t talk about the fighting

Faith and I

We just sit

Generally I’ll go anywhere

Where people aren’t talking

Where people don't like to talk

About what it is

They should be talking about

Bedrooms

Hospital waiting rooms

Pretty much everywhere

It's astounding

I sit there, plain as day

Sometimes spilling out of the room I'm in

Into the hallway

Or the next room

And still, nobody talks about me

And that's fine

That's what I asked for

The ability to hold the weight and pain of others

So they won't have to

Until they can

And sometimes when they finally see me

And address me

They're still not ready

But I have no say about when that happens

I just try to do what I've been allowed to do

But tonight I’m here at Faith’s party

Because she asked me to be

It’s a wonderful party

I could stay here forever

But then I wouldn’t be doing my job

And that wouldn't be right

Although it is a wonderful party

Unfortunately I'm not allowed to come in my normal form

Faith sees me for what I am

A big elephant--a pink one

Because it's her party

And she likes pink

And as her guest, it's the least I can do

But everyone else sees me in a more acceptable form

Yes, I've noticed you looking at me strangely

Thinking--My word, this lovely woman in red talking to us

Thinks that she was an elephant in a past life

Well, yes, it was a past life

And I suppose if I wanted to

I could say that I was a woman

And nobody would be the wiser

I could make up a new past

A better one

One not quite as tragic

But the truth is

I'm an elephant

I'll always be an elephant

And that's simply something

I simply can't forget