Wainbow Shawbit

Matt?

Matt, he's doing that thing again

That thing with the sherbet

He keeps saying 'Wainbow Shawbit, Mom.'

Matt, I could eat him.

I could eat our child.

I'm looking at him right now
And I just want to throw him in the blender

Honey, say 'Wainbow Shawbit' for Daddy

C'mon, say it

Oh no, he's moved on

See, I told you to take time off work
You're missing his entire childhood

Well, they should give you paternity leave
Children need their father

WAINBOW SHAWBIT, HONEY?  DO YOU WANT WAINBOW SHAWBIT?

He's playing with the socks I bought him

He likes to organize them into little sections
And then this afternoon
We'll make labels for his drawers
And he can put them in separate drawers

Matt, I am not teaching him to be OCD
You can't teach anybody to be OCD
You can only teach them to be clean
And lead a well-structured life

The rest is up to them

We should consider ourselves lucky
Our son already has a distinct sense of style

Just yesterday we were in Baby Gap
And he screamed until I bought him
This little black vest and a plaid sweater
That they had to pull off the mannequin

He doesn't scream like that for milk, Matt
It was absolutely astounding

Now I can't get him to take the little vest off
And he won't eat anything liquid
Because, and this is just a guess
I think he's afraid of spilling something on it

Well, I think it's lovely that we have such a conscientious child

SWEETIE, WHAT DO YOU WANT?
WHAT DESSERT PRODUCT WOULD MOST APPEAL TO YOU?
PERHAPS SOMETHING WITH LOTS OF COLORS?

Oh, he's onto me

He just pursed his lips together
And went right on choreographing that number he's been working on

Oh, we were watching the Rockettes on television the other day
And now he's creating this routine for his stuffed animals

Well, don't get too excited, Matt
I'll grant you that it's nice of him to have an interest in the arts
But why he put the teddy bear at the front of the line
When it's clearly the least rhythmic of all the forest animals
Is simply beyond me

I'm sure he'll show you the number when you get home
And then you'll see what I mean

Oh, that reminds me
I have to try and find that gold hat I lost
Before he realizes it's gone

He likes to wear it during nap time
While he holds his little gold cane

Matt, babies sleep with all kinds of things
It's perfectly normal

SWEETIE!  DO YOU WANT MOMMY TO GET YOU A FROZEN TREAT THAT RESEMBLES THE LIGHT PATTERNS THAT FORM AFTER A RAINY DAY?

Oh never mind

He's never going to say it again, Matt
Just you watch

You'll have missed it
And everything else

And you'll regret it
But you won't be able to do anything about it

Because by that time
He'll be forty-seven
And you'll be--uh, carry the--dead

And I'll feel bad that you never connected with your son
Who, by the way, fingerpainted a family portrait in oils yesterday
That was missing a father

He's trying to tell you something, Matt
He's trying to tell us both something

It's just a shame only one of us
Is listening