Rudy the Bear

I've always wanted to be funny

That's why Faith invited me to this party
Because I want to be funny

But I'm not

I'm not at all funny

But Faith thinks it's funny
That I'm not funny
But that I want to be funny

She says--Rudy, nobody expects bears to be funny.

And I say--Faith, nobody here thinks I'm a bear.  You're the only one who sees that I'm a bear.

Just like she's the only one who sees that Nina is an elephant

I only know she's an elephant
Because she told me
After I told her a very bad joke about an elephant

'I'm offended,' she said
'Oh come on,' I said, 'The joke wasn't that bad.'
'No,' she said, 'I'm offended because I'm an elephant.'

Then I laughed because I thought she was making a joke
But it turns out she really is an elephant

It's hard to tell who here is what
Because we see each other as normal imaginary people
Whereas Faith sees us as we truly are

So I'm a bear who wants to be funny but isn't

And not only do people not see me as a bear
But they don't even see that I'm not funny

No matter what I say, they laugh at me

Even though Nina was offended by my joke
She still laughed

'Nina,' I said, 'I thought you were offended.'
'Well, I am,' she said, 'But it was a funny joke.  Next time make it about hippos.  They're nothing but lazy idiots.  Just steer clear of elephant jokes.  We're a very sensitive species.'

I know I'm not funny
But nobody else does

Every time I tell a joke, I cringe

Oh, they all start out fine
But somewhere on the way to the punch line
They fall apart

The worst are my jokes about Paris

I had Faith's favorite imaginary friend Mariella
Give me some details about Paris
And then I made up an entire comic routine about it

Mariella laughed and laughed when she heard my jokes
But I knew they were only funny
Because she'd given me the source material

I ended up scrapping the entire act

It's hard when you know you're something
And everybody around you thinks you're something else

Everyone here thinks I'm a funny imaginary person
When I know I'm a boring imaginary bear

About an hour ago I went out onto the veranda
Where Faith had them set up a cotton candy machine
And a shooting star net
To catch all the stars that are going to fall
At midnight

I hopped in the net
And started to cry

Elephants may be sensitive
But bears are downright emotional

I felt someone hop into the net with me

It was Faith

'Rudy,' she said, 'What's wrong?'

So I told her how everybody thinks I'm funny
But I'm really not

It doesn't matter if I tell a joke
And everybody likes it

It matters if I like it

It matters what I want to be
What I say I am

And then I got mad at her

I didn't want to, but I did

'Why did you make me unfunny,' I asked her, 'You made all of us.  We all come from your head.  And you didn't make me funny!  I don't want to be anything at all but funny, and you didn't make me that.'

'Rudy,' she said, 'I did make you funny.'

'Then why didn't you make me think I'm funny,' I asked, 'Why didn't you make me so that I could like myself?'

I started to cry again
And Faith put her nose
Up against my snout
The way she does
When she wants to cheer me up

'Rudy,' she said, 'I could have made you the brightest and prettiest diamond in the world.  But I can only make you what you are.  I can't make you see yourself for what you are.  I made your eyes, Rudy, but what you see with them is up to you.'

Then she snuggled up next to me
And said--'Look, do you see that?'

A star came down

It landed right in the next in front of us

It was blue and green and purple
And it was stuffed full of light

Just having it near me made me feel happy

And as I looked into that star
I saw that it was beautiful

I picked it up with my two paws
And from behind me
I heard people gasp

When I turned around
I saw all the party guests
Looking at me

'What's so funny,' I asked

That's when I realized that they were looking at me
Really looking at me

'Rudy,' said Nina, 'You're a bear'

Then she started laughing

'Why are you laughing,' I asked, 'Bears aren't funny'

'I'm laughing,' said Nina, 'Because a bear holding a shooting star is funny, Rudy.  It's the most darling thing I've ever seen.'

And then I looked down at the star
And inside of it I could see my reflection
I saw what everybody else saw

And I started to laugh

And as I laughed
More stars came down
And each one of the guests
Grabbed one and picked it up
And started laughing

And as they began to laugh
I saw them for what they really were

Nina was an elephant
A beautiful pink elephant

And the other guests were animals
And objects
And all different sorts of wonderful things

And I saw them

I really saw them

I looked down at Faith in the net
And she smiled at me

'What do you see, Rudy,' she asked

I put down the shooting star
And I picked her up with my paws

'I see a good friend,' I said, 'A friend who saw me before I could see myself'

And I began to dance her around the veranda
While the other guests danced with the stars

And we laughed
And we laughed
And we laughed