Peter in Tribeca

She's not coming
Because she's pissed at me
Because I brought home that girl the other night
For, like, not even a sexual reason
But because, like, she told me she's into cleaning houses
Like, she gets off on it
And my place was filthy
So I had her clean it
So I guess it was sort of sexual for her
But it meant nothing to me

Anyway, now Tracey's pissed at me
And I'm like--
We're not even dating, Tracey
You just have sex with me whenever I want
And sometimes we get dinner afterwards
That's not a relationship
Like, we're not even friends
I mean, we are, I love her, she's awesome
But I'm not going to get involved with her, she's nuts

Oh my God, look at Foursquare
Like everyone I've dated is in there right
Tony, Tommy, Other Tony, Nick
I guess I have a thing for Italians

I shouldn't even go in there
Hey, let's, like, not go in there
Let's go to Chaz's place instead
He's doing this listening party
With his new CD
And that girl he knows
Who sings jazz
She's going to be there
Singing, or something
I don't know
But at least it won't be awkward
I mean, it'll absolutely be awkward
Because everything about what I just said is awkward
Because at least it won't be personally awkward
It'll just be generally awkward
For everyone involved

Oh my God
I can feel everybody judging me
And I'm not even inside the club yet

The thing is
When I know people are looking at me
I start to crunch down into a ball
Like a hedgehog
And I just sort of let people step over me
Until I feel like people don't know I'm there anymore
And then I crawl out the nearest exit

It's like a syndrome or something

We should have gone to Brooklyn tonight
I never date anybody in Brooklyn
So it's always totally fine

Except for it being depressing

But that's, like, everything nowadays

If I stopped going places in this city
Just because they make me sad
I'd be stuck at home all the time
Like Tracey
Or that girl who moaned for a solid hour
Just because I let her scrub my fridge

I'd be a freak

You can't live in this city without being depressed

The trick is to medicate
And to always find
The least depressing thing to do
On any given night
While at the same time making sure
That you're always doing something

If you can master that
You can live here forever