Bad People Who Make Movies

Okay, I want you to think about your favorite movie, okay?
I mean, your absolute favorite movie
Think about it

Okay--ready?
Here we go

I'm about to ruin your favorite movie for you

Sorry, but, hey, you wanted my opinion
So this is the package it comes in

Still thinking about that movie?
Great
Here goes--

Somebody
Who worked on that movie
Was an asshole

And I don't mean like an annoying asshole
Because most of the people who worked on that movie
Were probably annoying assholes
No, I'm talking like a CRIMINAL asshole

Somebody who worked on that movie
Maybe even one of the stars
Or the director
Or the guy who wrote the movie--
Probably raped a woman at one point in their life

Or--looked at child porn
Or killed someone
Yes, honestly, killed someone
Maybe they killed more than one person
Who knows?

Who the hell knows?

What I can tell you
Is that I've been in the movie business
For a long, long time
And this industry
Is filled with assholes
Real, horrible assholes

And for somebody to come back at me
And say--Well, why did you work with this person?
Why did you work with that person?

Didn't you know they did this?
Didn't you know they did that?

It's like--

Everybody does something

We're all artists
That means we're terrible human beings
Probably sociopathic
Definitely starved for attention
And we know
That our only hope
For surviving in this world
Without being lit on fire by a mob
Carrying torches
Is to write a beloved song
Or act in somebody's favorite movie
Or write a book that will change somebody's life

That's what sociopaths do
They adapt and evolve
So they can exist in the world
Without being hunted down and murdered
For being so dangerous

Some people think it's that if you're a genius, you're crazy
When the truth is, you're crazy first
So you develop brilliance
So you have a weapon
So you have something to defend yourself with

The world decided that if you're a movie star
You're allowed to be an awful person
The movie stars didn't

I didn't

And none of this is an excuse
But Jesus, you're asking me what I would have done
If I knew it was happening?

You want the honest answer to that?

Nothing

I would have done--nothing

Because I had a job
Because I wanted to work
Hey, let me ask you something
You find out your co-worker is abusing his kid
Do you quit your job?
No
Do you call the police on your co-worker?
Yeah, maybe you do
But what if it's your boss?
And what if your boss finds out it's you
And you'll lose your job?
What do you do then, huh?
You still going to say something?

Do not--okay--do not
Assume
You are a hero
Until you've actually been put in a position
Where a hero was needed
And you stepped up and did whatever it was
That needed doing

Until then, don't assume you're Superman
Because most of us aren't
That's why Superman is so fucking special

Do you think movie stars are nice people?
Do you think icons and legends
Somehow managed to attain everything they attained
Because they were just so sweet
People couldn't help but give them things?

Most of us--and yes, I'm saying 'us'
Most of us--are really not very nice at all

The man got me an Oscar
An Oscar
For some people the happiest day of their lives
Is the day their child was born
The happiest day of my life
Was the day I won my Oscar
And you want me to condemn the man
Who made that day possible?

Yes, I feel bad
I feel very badly
About whatever might
Or might not have happened

But this is my work
This is the life I wanted
In the field I wanted to work in
And when I showed up on the first day
I found out that most of the people I'd be working with
Were going to be bad people

So...

What was I supposed to do?

Turn around and...

Do something else?

Or just...shut my eyes, and do my job?

The truth is...

I've done things too

Nothing near as bad as what...

--But things

And who knows, maybe one day you'll hear about them
Or maybe you won't
But if I was in Woody's shoes
And somebody started talking about me
I'd cream them
And you know why?
Because everybody knows everybody else's dirty little secrets

So trust me when I say
Nobody's condemning anybody
Not unless they feel good about
Having their own shit
Put on the front pages

Mutual
Assured
Destruction

It's what keeps the world turning

So yes, we're bad people
And we make movies
And maybe we make good movies
Because of who we are
And if that's the case
Maybe you should thank God for bad people
Because maybe--actually, chances are--good people
Wouldn't make 'em nearly as good
As we do