(The HOTEL MANAGER shows SHERLOCK into the room.)
HOTEL MANAGER: So as you can see, a murder was committed in this room. We thought you--
SHERLOCK: OH MY GOD!
HOTEL MANAGER: What is it? What's wrong?
SHERLOCK: What the hell has been going on in this room?
HOTEL MANAGER: Well, we just hosted the Olympics so--
SHERLOCK: Jesus.
HOTEL MANAGER: There was a certain amount of celebrating and--
SHERLOCK: I need to sit down.
HOTEL MANAGER: Please, the bed is right there.
SHERLOCK: Oh no, I'm not touching any surface in this room. There's paprika everywhere.
HOTEL MANAGER: Paprika?
SHERLOCK: Yes! Paprika! Don't you use seasoning in this godforesaken country?
HOTEL MANAGER: I--
SHERLOCK: Not to mention the dried blood.
HOTEL MANAGER: Well, there has been a murder.
SHERLOCK: Yes, but it's llama's blood. Why the hell was there a llama in here?
HOTEL MANAGER: I don't know. The room was supposed to be empty. Somebody must have snuck in and--
SHERLOCK: This is going to take awhile.
HOTEL MANAGER: Can I offer you a complimentary night in our honeymoon suite?
SHERLOCK: Well I'm traveling with my colleague Watson--
HOTEL MANAGER: Oh, so you'd like somewhere with two beds.
SHERLOCK: No, if you're out of rooms with two beds--
HOTEL MANAGER: We're not, actually, we--
SHERLOCK: One bed is fine. A small bed. Barely enough room for two people unless you hold onto each other tightly. Oh, and leave some roses in the room. And nice bath oils if you have it. Perhaps light some candles. We'll make due.
HOTEL MANAGER: Well, all right--
SHERLOCK: Somebody was poaching eggs in the bathroom sink.
HOTEL MANAGER: What?
SHERLOCK: There's a slight residue near the--
HOTEL MANAGER: How can you even see that?
SHERLOCK: I'm like a robot. Sort of. But I'm still sexy and nobody knows why.
HOTEL MANAGER: Do you always talk this way?
SHERLOCK: Yes. Is it turning you on?
HOTEL MANAGER: It is, and I don't know why.
SHERLOCK: There's a tiny piece of cloth underneath the left pillow.
HOTEL MANAGER: Okay, there's no way you could see UNDER something--
SHERLOCK: It's shaped like a sail. A miniature sail. Somebody was making a ship to go into a bottle, and then they cracked the bottle against the wall, which is why you have that dent.
HOTEL MANAGER: The dent on the left?
SHERLOCK: No, on the right. The dent on the left is where the midget landed.
HOTEL MANAGER: The--
SHERLOCK: When the prostitute threw him against the wall.
HOTEL MANAGER: Oh.
SHERLOCK: The Norwegians were involved, but I'd leave all that alone if I were you.
HOTEL MANAGER: How--
SHERLOCK: He cracked the bottle against that wall, and used it to slaughter the llama.
HOTEL MANAGER: Ohhh, that llama died? That's so sad.
SHERLOCK: A few minutes ago, you thought it was a human?
HOTEL MANAGER: Well, a human might have deserved it.
SHERLOCK: The llama deserved it. He was smug. Thought he knew everything. His favorite movie was Major League 2.
HOTEL MANAGER: Now you're just making stuff up.
SHERLOCK: After he killed the llama the murderer was hungry. Killing a llama in a hotel room using nothing but a bottle is hard work, after all.
HOTEL MANAGER: How did nobody hear this?
SHERLOCK: The people in the next room were deaf. The people in the other room were sound sleepers. And the rest of the hallway was filled with people from the rough sex convention.
HOTEL MANAGER: They told us they were rodeo clowns!
SHERLOCK: I hope you paid the maids extra that week.
HOTEL MANAGER: This is just terrible.
SHERLOCK: Well, I don't know how I'm going to figure out--Wait. Has Christopher Walken been anywhere near here?
HOTEL MANAGER: Yes, he was filming a movie nearby.
SHERLOCK: Case closed. By the way, you might want to rip up the carpet. The floor underneath is harboring an African ant infestation and pretty soon they'll be over-runing the place.
HOTEL MANAGER: But how--
SHERLOCK: You realize I'm billing you by the hour, right?
HOTEL MANAGER: So lovely to meet you.
(They shake hands.)
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