Eeyore for Prosypenol

Hi!  How’s it going?
I’m swell!

You look great!

Now, before I go yakking

I guess I should introduce myself

Some of you may recognize me

From my work on the cartoon series

Winnie-the-Pooh

But I bet I look a little different to you now

You may be wondering to yourself

What is it?

Did he do his hair a different way?

Did he put more ribbons in his tail?
Is he a little less blue?

Why yes, I am a little less blue

But not in the way you’re thinking

Ladies and gents, my name is Eeyore

And I am here to tell you about Prosypenol

A new miracle drug

That will kick your blues in their bottoms

Mmm does anybody smell chicken parm?

I think I do!

But anyway—

Prosypenol has changed my life

In so many ways

I’m no longer living under a pile of sticks

That constantly falls on my head

My friends don’t run into their respective tree-dwellings

When they see me coming

And now, when my tail comes loose

I just laugh about it

And staple it back on

Totally unable to feel the pain that causes

Because prosypenol numbs over thirty percent of your body

Which thirty percent?

It’s a surprise!

Now, doesn’t that sound like fun?

Other added bonuses include

Insomnia, nausea, loss of appetite

Loss of hair, loss of teeth

Heart attacks, kidney trouble, liver trouble

Liver and kidney trouble at the same time

Arthritis, bursitis, gingivitis, and scurvy

But you will feel AMAZING!

Did anybody hear a wolf howling?
I could swear I heard that

I’ve been hearing and smelling

Lots of fun stuff now that I’m on prosypenol

It’s been so great for me

I just had to tell you about it!

Especially after they made me sign a contract

Saying that I would

If I wanted to keep the free samples coming

My friends keep saying to me—

Eeyore, we miss the old you!

You’re too hyper now

You’re all over the place

You got into a fight with Tigger

Because you thought he had coke on him

And you wanted a hit

And I just say them—Ohhh, you guys!

I’m better now!

I’m happier

I’m funnier

I have the strength of four wild oxen!

Oh sure, I haven’t slept in two weeks

And my ears won’t stop bleeding

But the trees look so much greener

And the air smells of cinnamon!

--And gasoline

Does anybody else smell gasoline, or….?

Never mind that

Just call your doctor

And get yourself on prosypenol!

And then call me

Because I might need to borrow some

Oh, and thanks for noticing me